Lazy Racists

As a kid I was obsessed with Superman. I would sit daily in front of the television and in between episodes of The Three Stooges, I anxiously awaited the moment the man of steel would appear on screen. I had the Superman lunch pail, comic books and I dressed as Superman for Halloween for both the 1^st and 2^nd grades. (Ok I know, I was a nerd). My mother had to shop for my costume twice as I out grew it in between grades. I can remember her helping me get ready, making sure my costume fit properly and my cape swung correctly from the back. But you know what she didn’t do? She didn’t paint my face white. It wasn’t necessary everyone knew I was Superman simply because of the costume.

Unfortunately, there are still way too many of those of the melanin deficient persuasion who can’t seem to grasp this concept.  Every year around this time we get inundated with countless stories of idiot White people dressing up in blackface. Also, every year there are a ton of stories about some idiot getting fired for blackface so there is absolutely no way they didn’t get the memo. They know it’s wrong. The problem is they have this privileged, entitled attitude which leads them to believe they can do whatever they want with absolutely no consequences. Simply put, not acknowledging or caring that blackface contains a huge amount of derogatory historical baggage is racist. They don’t care that it’s offensive or even care to know why it’s so. And to be clear, most famous people and celebrities have easily identifiable characteristics which make changing skin tone unnecessary. So, when you make skin color the focus and defining feature of your costume simply because you have no imagination, creativity or can’t be bothered with recognizing other distinctions that make up a character or person, you are a lazy racist.

RIGHT

 

WRONG

In the Wrong pics it’s not just that they painted themselves in blackface, it’s the coded message. There’s not even an attempt to match the skin color of either Beyoncé or Jay-Z.  These two assholes see them not as talented celebrities but as their own clownish version of the stereotypical Black ghetto hood rat. Lazy racism.

But guess what? It won’t end. Next year we’ll have yet another round of knowingly clueless nut ball racists claiming to pay homage to their idols. They will unashamedly dress up in blackface, post it on social media and then cry a bucket of White tears because they got fired. Dumb asses. 

Lunatic (lu·na·tic): An antiquated term referring to a person who is considered as mentally ill, dangerous, foolish, unpredictable or crazy.

I’m no doctor but I’ve seen enough television medical dramas in my lifetime to be comfortable enough to diagnosis Kanye West. Now I don’t want to get too technical, but I believe the correct medical term is, that nigga crazy…sometimes the simplest diagnosis is best. Seriously, what the fuck? If you missed his one night only solo recital, live from the White House yesterday, please do yourself a favor and check it out: Crazy Negro in The White House  I have never seen such an incoherent bizarre unfocused display of word salad babble in my life. I couldn’t tell if he was being serious or if it was just some poorly written or unrehearsed standup comedy routine. Look, it’s bad enough that this Steppin Fetchit Negro has so publicly embraced the Orange President but to show up and then put on this performance straight from the Amos & Andy era for the whole world to see was both disgusting and embarrassing.

So, what did this mad man talk about? Well from what I was able to discern from the constant stream of nuttiness, Montessori curriculum, Trump’s MAGA slogan, illegal guns, trap doors, 13^th floors, the 13^th Amendment, fine wine, daddy issues, the Apple iPlane, Superman and mental health…and that was just in the first minute. Look, I know a lot of people want to excuse Kanye’s behavior by blaming it on mental health issues but come on, sometimes an ass is just an ass. He may in fact be a bipolar narcissist but that doesn’t excuse yesterday’s conduct. In fact, yesterday was all about the Narcissist Admiration Society whose membership consist entirely of Kanye and Trump. Their egos would not allow them to share the stage. And am I the only one who feared for his Black ass when from out of nowhere, he jumped up from his seat spread his arms and ran around the desk to hug Trump? Seriously dude, the room was full of Secret Service agents…with guns. Have you not been watching the news, or does your dumb ass simply have a death wish. When Trump thanked cuckoo for his seemingly endless aimless rant Kanye replied, “It was from the soul. I just channeled it”. Seriously, he said that shit.

My question is why he chooses, not unlike those who he said chose slavery, to idolize this despicable vile excuse for a human being and how in the hell he rationalizes the blatant racism the man consistently and vehemently espouses. How does he support or justify Trump’s hate mongering rallies or his humanitarian issues including parental separation and internment of innocent children? How does he explain the misogyny and the homophobia of Trump? How does he as a Black man reconcile Trump’s divisive rhetoric and his refusal to denounce White Supremacists and racist Alt Right groups?

Of course, I could be completely wrong. I mean perhaps he was actually auditioning for the recently vacated U.N. Ambassador position. That would explain a lot. After all, only a thirsty batshit crazy, ass kissing lunatic would be dumb enough to work for Trump and it goes a long way in explaining why he would allow himself to be so publicly exploited by this irrational racist would-be King.

Hurricane Kavanaugh

I don’t know if anyone saw the Kavanaugh performance yesterday, but it was an absolute sight to behold. This entitled asshole exploded into an angry hysterical conspiracy fueled rant of white male privilege unlike anything seen before. Like some 12-year old brat, he wants what he thinks is owed him and will remain angry and unreasonable until he gets it. Whether you believe the charges levied against him or not, do you think we need a Supreme Court justice with anger-management issues who yells at senators, cries and makes himself out to be a victim? This man is clearly not in control of his emotions and his tantrum proved he is unsuitable and much too vengeful to be an impartial jurist on the Supreme Court. His tearful self-pitied sanctimonious tantrum was pure theater. He wants to be a judge of the highest court in the land for life, and he can't even control himself when the pressure rises. Can you imagine what will happen when something doesn’t go his way in the court room.

He has that self-righteous angry look which seems to say, how dare you accuse me! The look of every smug Fraternity Row Bro’ I ever encountered at USC. The ones who showed up to class unprepared and smelling of some weekend long keg binge but assumed they knew more and were smarter than me because they were White…and I wasn’t. Even though he will ultimately get what he feels he’s been groomed for his entire life and most of White America is on his side, he still thinks his life is ruined and he will remain angry because the others dared to questions his privilege. You better believe it will play out in his decisions in court. If he is so innocent, why doesn't he prove it? He has refused a lie detector test (even though Dr. Ford has suggested they both do so) and he has fought any type of investigation. The truth is he is much too consumed with unfounded rage, self-pity and hate. An honest man doesn't get this angry. Kavanaugh doesn’t possess the stoicism and control to be a Supreme Court Justice. He needs to be sent to anger management class not the Supreme Court.

Dancing Machine

I recently returned from a trip to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico with a group of friends. I had a great time and really enjoyed the mix of tourists both international and American. Everyone was outgoing and carefree and completely wrapped up in enjoying themselves and the surroundings. Our group became friendly with a few others at the resort which was great because at the end of the day everyone gathered together to listen to the evenings selected house band. This also allowed for a few observations. Number one, White people love 80s rock. There were two house bands which played alternate nights but each one featured 80s rock. This was fine in the beginning as a few of us joined in a round of Name That Tune but after a while it all got to be a bit one note for us. After the third night we were all like, ok if you’re gonna do the 80s can we at least get some Rick James, Prince or something?  The White people however, loved it. What is it about White people that makes them just randomly jump up mid conversation and start dancing? This leads me to my second observation. Why can’t White people dance? There is absolutely nothing funnier than watching some drunk off her ass White woman rocking out to a Journey or Aerosmith song. When the music came on these women would lose it. From the way they danced it wasn’t clear if they were excited about the song selection or if they were swatting at some imaginary swarm of bees.

So, in an effort to shed some light on the Why White people Can’t Dance query, I’ve compiled a quick list of possible reasons why.

• They've never spent time dancing in front of a mirror. Come on now you know you did it in your youth. How else could you be sure you were matching the moves you saw on Soul Train. (Note to Millennials: Soul Train was a dance show for Black people popular in the previous century…damn I’m old.)
• Too much unseasoned chicken, God made Lawry's Seasoning Salt for a reason people. And don't get me started on that trashy potato salad. Seriously, raisins?
• White people spend way too much time worrying about what Black people are doing. Case in point, BBQ Becky, Permit Patty & Pool Patrol Paula . Less time spent worrying about what the hell we’re doing and more spent on honing those rhythmic skills could greatly improve their Electric Slide and or Wobble participation.
• Because they ain't never got a whoopin'. A lot of people assume our rhythmic roots are sourced from the drums of Africa but anyone who has spent time creating moves to dodge Big Mama's ass whoopin' will probably disagree. I'm not promoting child abuse but there's something about the workings of avoiding an ass whooping that sparks the soul to life.  A good ass whoopin' dodger must possess the skills, grace and agility of ballet, jazz and hip-hop. It should be an Olympic event. #AssWhoopinDodge.
• They suffer from Walk & Chew Gumitis. They can hear the music, but they can't dance or clap to the beat at the same time. This syndrome is also known as Beat Deafness which I'm sure is a genuine scientific term I didn't just make up.
• They've never participated in or witnessed someone catching the Holy Ghost. Nothing says bust a move like the Holy Ghost Shout. In fact, the Holy Ghost Shout is world renowned as the hands down champ of Step Dancing per the American Association of  Step Exploratory Dance (ASSED). Also, sorry but flavorless mediocre White gospel music simply does not inspire dance.
• Lack of melanin. The lack of melanin does not allow them to sync and sway to the beat because they don't hear it the same as we do. According to prominent doctor of Rhythmology, Dr. Funkenstein of the Parliament Institute of P-Funk, melanin is a vital element in the hearing process. This melanin deficiency causes them to be D'Void of Funk...it's not just knee-deep folks.

Finally, when I speak of dancing I’m not talking about Waltzes or Ballroom Dancing. Those dances are learned and studied. I'm talking about the natural intuitive ability to feel a beat and a connection to the music. How many times have you witnessed an African-American toddler in a baby walker getting down to a groove? Even though they can't walk they possess an inbuilt sense of rhythm. You can’t fake the funk folks…you're either born with it or not.

All Samples Cleared

To call Omarosa a lying evil narcissistic opportunist would be an insult to lying evil narcissistic opportunists. This woman was complicit in all of Trump’s evil doings and voluntarily chose to support and defend his illiterate racist orange ass as long as she was able to benefit and profit. It wasn’t until she was escorted to the front door of the White House holding her belongings in greasy old used KFC buckets the Mango President had discarded and unceremoniously shoved the fuck out that she was finally able to see the light and suddenly become aware of the wickedness of her surroundings. Um, bitch please.

So now she’s out here on some bogus redemption tour, fake crying in interviews, spilling tea and dropping White House staff audio like she’s the Queen of Mix Tapes. As an aside, just why are these idiots surprised Omarosa would have tapes. Did they not watch The Apprentice? Seriously, she practically invented the reality show villain. This vindictive self-serving snake woman has set a clear precedent of doing what’s best for Omarosa…always. And just to be clear, I don’t care if she has video of Trump in authentic KKK regalia, burning a cross on the grave of Martin Luther King, Jr while tap dancing and singing a duet of Dixie Land with David Duke and intermittently shouting, “Obama is a Black ass nigger!”, I’m done with her ass. She sold out Black folks and now she’s trying to get a seat back at the table to which I say, nah yo ass is still trash. I remember when you bent over and told the entire Black race to kiss your ass. As a matter of fact, her Black card was revoked, and she was excommunicated by a unanimous vote of the African-American Council On Coon Activities (AACOCA) years ago…the revocation included a first ever provision of absolute permanent non-reinstatement.

So, here’s why I don’t care. If you were ever going to have an issue with Trump’s racism it would have already happened. In fact, if you’re still giving him a pass, tapes or even the aforementioned video of him screaming nigger at the top of his lungs will never change your opinion. We all know he’s a racist piece of shit and the media needs to quit with the Omarosa drops a bombshell bullshit. In fact, his base white people know it and don’t care because most of them agree with him. And I said most because I don’t want to be inundated with a bunch of not all white people nonsense. Those who hate him will continue to do so while the MAGA lovers will celebrate and excuse him because, “he says what he thinks” and “it doesn’t make you racist if you’re only taking about the bad ones.” Remember, Trump voters are stupid. What other explanation is there for their constant defense of his moronic messy bitch ass.

At any rate, I’ve checked my wallet and once again I find myself fresh out of fucks to give. Trump will eventually pull the Fake News card and move on to the next episode. He doesn’t have time for this he’s got security clearances to revoke and parades to organize.

Madea Goes To (insert ridiculous crazy locale here) … A Tyler Perry Production

TYLER PERRY FAN: Why you always hating on Tyler Perry?

ME: Because he’s a horrible writer and director and his shit movies are always the same.

TP FAN: Well I like his movies. They’re uplifting, and I don’t think they’re all the same.

ME: Every single Tyler Perry movie is filled with exploitive pseudo-Christian beliefs and stereotypes, and they always have the same theme. Some woman getting dumped or physically and mentally abused by her misogynistic asshole husband or boyfriend (usually an incestuous pedophile) until she goes to see Madea who has a “spiritual” talk with her, throws in some amusing erroneous Bible quotes and helps her to find herself. And of course, Madea reminds the woman that the surest route to eternal joy is through subservience to a good man…with strong Christian values.

TP FAN: He tries to offer positive female role models. I think that’s a good thing.

ME:  Oh, my bad. You mean positive role models like the one where the female character cheats on her husband, gets raped, becomes addicted to drugs, and in the end is seen as a miserable lonely loser who’s become HIV Positive and deserving of her fate. Or maybe you meant the one where the professional Black woman in an effort to get to the top, cheats on her husband, this time with a White man only to realize in the end she was being used but she’s too proud to admit it. Surely you don’t mean the positive role of the aunt who was so self-indulgent and consumed by her career that she missed the signs of her pedophile boyfriend’s abuse of her niece while in her care.

TP FAN: Well you’re just picky and in the minority. Everyone I know loves Tyler Perry’s movies.

ME: True and proof positive that there’s just no accounting for taste.

TP FAN: I think you’re just bitter. What if everyone felt your way? I think we should support Black creativity.

ME: Again, please don’t mention creativity when speaking of this man but let me ask this question. Do you think White people go to see every movie just because it’s made by a White person? If Black artist want support from the community shouldn’t they be accountable and held to some type of standard? Besides, at this point his filthy rich hypocritical prosperity gospel believing ass has a built-in audience who will buy any garbage he puts out. They literally get bussed to his movies from church…after second service of course.

TP FAN: Um, ok. But I still think you’re just a hater

ME: I’m not hating on the man. In fact, I appreciate and am inspired by the business model he created and the fact that he hires African-Americans almost exclusively. He’s a great industry role model and donates to many African-American mentorship programs. And I do enjoy the fact that he keeps Cicely Tyson employed on a regular. I just think his shit movies suck and perhaps he should cede some creativity to others. Why is it that every single thing the man does is written, directed and produced by Tyler Perry?

TP FAN: Well I guess there’s just no convincing you. Let’s agree to disagree, I’m out.

ME: No problem, good talking with you. Hallelujer!

Side Effects

There’s a new drug crisis storming the country folks and it’s affecting White people in horrific numbers. One hundred times more lethal and believed to be more addictive than any opioid. Yes, people I’m talking about Ambien. Beware, it’s out there and it’s making White people racist. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s true. Apparently, this drug affects your views and thoughts and turns unsuspecting formally rational people into raving alt-right lunatics. Just ask Roseanne Barr, famed comedienne, renowned conspiracy nut ball theorist and overt islamophobe who last week tweeted “if the muslim brotherhood & planet of the apes had a baby=v.j.” V.J. refers to Valerie Jarett, former Senior Advisor to President Barack Obama. Valerie Jarett is an African-American woman. Ms. Barr later apologized and stated the effects of the drug Ambien were the cause of her crazy racist midnight tweet. Finally, clarification! Big Pharma strikes again, I feel so much better. This explains her involvement in the ridiculously bogus birther movement attack against President Obama and her previous racists tweets including the one where she said of President Obama’s National Security Advisor, “Susan Rice is a man with big swinging ape balls”. Again, for clarification, Susan Rice is an African-American woman.

To further prove my point, I reached out to the world renowned and respected Institute of Racist Assholology who helped me to compile a quick list of obvious Ambienheads which we’ve tragically misdiagnosed throughout the years. (Editor’s note: Included in this list are some self-hating African-Americans Coons)

• Bill O’Reilly – Chief among his many racist pronouncements was the time he went to Sylvia’s Restaurant in Harlem. This man was vocally amazed at the predominately African-American clientele who for some reason surprised him with their civility. He said, "I couldn't get over the fact that there was no difference between Sylvia's restaurant and any other restaurant in New York City. I mean, it was exactly the same, even though it's run by blacks, primarily black patronship." The rotund ignorant racist then added, "there wasn't one person in Sylvia's who was screaming, 'M-Fer, I want more iced tea.' it was like going into an Italian restaurant in an all-white suburb in the sense of people were sitting there, and they were ordering and having fun. And there wasn't any kind of craziness at all." So, he expected to go to an African-American run restaurant and find what exactly? Watermelon eating, knife welding Negroids dancing on tables and behaving like animals? Come on, that kind of irrational thought and reasoning has got to be drugs. Right?
• Paula Deen – This woman, who made a career out of ripping off Black people’s cooking recipes once had her employees dress up as slaves for a Civil War themed wedding she catered. She admitted in a lawsuit deposition to the occasional use of the word Nigger…but only to those deserving it. At the time she blamed it on her age saying she grew up in a different era, as if at some point in history racism was acceptable and she just forgot where she was. Fortunately, we now know it wasn’t her age. Poor woman, she was simply another victim of sleep deprivation in need of a hit.
• Ben Carson – This one is too easy, and we should have seen it long ago. Ben Carson is an obvious Ambien junkie. This man has kissed so much White ass his lips are permanently chapped. He should serve as a cautionary tale for those who may be considering Ambien as a drug of choice.
• BBQ Becky – This crazy ass White woman called the BBQ Police on an African-American family who were minding their own damn business grilling and chilling at Lake Merritt in Oakland. She felt duty bound to report them because they had the nerve to use charcoal and it offended her racist environmental senses. I’m pretty sure if they had simply offered her fat Birkenstock wearing ass a burger she would have calmed down. Apparently, another side effect of this terrible drug is White tears because when the police showed up she cried like a baby and naturally, claimed she was the victim.
• Sheriff Joe Arpaio – I don’t know how I missed this one.  The signs were all there. Blatant disregard for the law as it pertains to people of color. Specifically, Latino people. This man forced women to give birth in shackles, refused to investigate child sex crimes involving undocumented people and operated a concentration camp disguised as a jail. I guess I was so blinded by his obvious racism, inhumanity and blatant hatred I couldn’t see him for the poor sad junkie he was…I blame myself.
• 53% of White women who voted for Trump – If you know a Becky who voted for Trump, I think it’s time to cut her some slack. It’s not her fault. This drug apparently causes irrational thinking. Seriously, how else do you explain the fact that the same percentage of White women voted for Roy Moore an accused serial pedophile so heinous he was banned from an entire mall. See, all this time I simply assumed it was an attempt by White women to maintain dominance and privilege but now I see. It must be that demon pink pill.
• Stacy Dash – Although technically not a racist, she’s a racist enabler and an asshole so it didn’t seem fair to leave her off the list (and I really hate the bitch, so there’s that). If Ben Carson is the cautionary tale then Stacy Dash should be the poster child for the dangers of Ambien abuse.
• Donald Trump – Um, yeah, I’m gonna just leave this one out here.

As I said, this is a quick short list and though I could go on, why torture these poor victims. The truth is, we owe them all an apology. They can’t help themselves folks. It’s that damn insomnia. Pray that they get the treatment they need.

Waiting On A Friend (The Perils of Existing While Black)

I’m sure you’ve all heard by now of the two African-American men who were arrested at a Starbuck’s in Philadelphia, but please allow me if you will, to share what I in my unyielding and always vigilant pursuit of the truth have been able to ascertain. (Ok, so I may have a somewhat inflated opinion of myself) The incident was filmed by a customer who was vocally upset and perplexed as to why the two were being arrested. According to the manger they had not ordered anything and one of them who asked to use the bathroom had been told it was for paying customers only. They told the manager they were waiting on a friend for a business meeting, but she didn’t care she wanted them out. In the same video when the police arrive, customers can be heard protesting as the two men had been sitting quietly waiting for the aforementioned friend. Also, as evidenced by most of the other patrons defending them, they were clearly not causing any kind of disturbance. According to the men they arrived at 4:35 PM for their meeting. At 4:37 PM Philadelphia police received a 911 call from the store manager. Um…ok.

So, let me break this down for you. A manager at a Starbuck’s called the police to say “hey we got two people sitting around here not doing anything. Can you come and arrest their Black asses please, thanks”. Again, this happened at Starbucks. Renowned friend to laptop hobos and Wi-Fi moochers the world over. Yes, that Starbucks. Before I continue I just want to make something perfectly clear. (Clears throat) This bitch ass manager called the cops to arrest two people for doing what people do in Starbucks ALL THE TIME. The entire business model of Starbucks is to encourage people to loiter. They provide free internet access and use of electrical plugs to make it more accessible for your lazy ass loitering comfort. This is usually the part of the story where someone pisses me off with the following dumb ass statements and questions:

• Why didn’t they just order something?
• There must be more to the story.
• Why are you making it about race?
• What about their arrest record?
• We need to hear both sides.
• Why didn’t they leave?
• And of course, the infamous, if only they had complied, which thankfully wasn’t applicable as they made it through alive.

My response to the above? Bullshit. None of it matters. Why is it that white people are so threatened by the idea that one of them could be racist that they dismiss any obvious instance of it and make ridiculous assumptions and excuses without giving it any real consideration.  Well fortunately, not all White people. The White patrons of the store, including the woman filming the video, said that they’d been sitting there for hours without making a purchase and no one had said anything to them about it. Yet two black men sat there for a matter of minutes and ended up perp-walked out. But the problem isn’t just that the men were treated in this manner. No sir, the problem is that a manager at Starbucks, a place that is notoriously friendly to all walks of life felt the need to call the cops on two men who were doing what people do there all the time…and instead of loudly proclaiming “this is some bullshit!” the cops arrested them. How did this go from not buying something to being arrested? Why not just walk them out?  Why the parade in cuffs with six officers in tow?

Ok, stop. I know what you’re going to say, the cops were just doing their job to which I again say, Bullshit. In the actual 911 call the manger says "Hi, I have two gentlemen in my cafe that are refusing to make a purchase or leave." Man, this is getting exhausting. According to witnesses these two men, who again had been there a matter of minutes were never asked to leave. But hold on I’m not done, it gets worse. The police dispatch call goes out as "we have a disturbance at the Starbucks" "a group of males inside causing a disturbance." Again, they were sitting quietly waiting for a friend…sheesh.

So yesterday the Philadelphia police commissioner, who just happens to be Black and had previously defended his officers’ actions while condemning the two men, issued an apology to them. Contrary to earlier reports, he confirmed they did not refuse when asked to leave. Not one of those officers asked the two men what had happened or for their side of whatever story this crazy woman had concocted in her head. They were simply arrested, with no discussion. He now says his officers did not properly assess the situation and the two should never have been arrested. According to him, he and his department are issuing new guidelines for handling these situations in the future. Well Hallelujah! But that does nothing for the men who spent six damn hours in jail for the ridiculous crime of Starbucking while Black.

And what of the manager who initiated this entire humiliating and unnecessary experience? Well the CEO of Starbuck’s made a public apology and said the manager is no longer with the company. It was not clear whether she was terminated or just quit. Oh, and of course her old Facebook posts are making the rounds now and include some pretty racist shit. This is the Trump era folks where Becky is allowed to be unreasonably nervous around young black men.  It’s racism at its finest and this woman didn’t give a damn about her bigotry being exposed. She just wrongly assumed her bosses would back her up. And to be honest they may have, if not for the White witnesses who this time refused to be complicit.

Invitation Revoked

I don’t know about you, but she can kiss my Black ass. I’m talking about Omaroho Omarosa. This woman spent the last two years kissing up to her Orange Massa and talking down to Black folks like some privileged house nigra and now she expects all to be forgiven just because she shed some salty ass tears of fake redemption. President Comb Over got tired of her ass kissing, kicked her out of the Big House and now she expects us to take her back in like all is forgiven…it’s not. This is the woman who said her Tangerine Tinged Suga Daddy had a hit list and “we” were coming after everyone on it when he got in to office. Apparently, she never actually saw the list because she didn’t know her name was included.

So, she got fired from her job as Director of Communications for the Office of Public Liaison, which translated means she oversaw fetching Big Macs and Diet Cokes for the Great Orange Pumpkin. She found her way back to reality TV where she got her start and now she’s out here on some lame ass apology tour talking about how she regrets voting and campaigning for the Head Racist in Charge and says she was abused by his White House Klan staff.  This nasty narcissistic arrogant cretin chose to be Trump's token Black bitch girl ho (sorry I tried but couldn’t find an appropriate term that wasn’t demeaning, so I gave up) and was willing to play window dressing to his administration’s racist agenda because she thought it would bring her notoriety, money, and power. She sold her soul and her dignity to President Cheeto like she was booking a suite in Dante’s Inferno.

 My guess is she got tired of standing around and looking Black for the pleasure of President Carrot Spice because now she claims she’s had enough of him and as if it were some new revelation or long held dark secret says we should all be worried about his race-baiting and pandering to the bigotry of his supporters. Bitch Please! Where you been? Omarosa continues to be the dishonest backstabbing hustler she always was. Nothing’s changed. She’s an obnoxious repugnant attention seeking whore and when she found herself no longer in the spotlight she made a big fuss and got herself very publicly fired…and a book deal.

So, as I know you’ve all been wondering why it hasn’t been done by now, below I’ve compiled in no particular order, a list of ten reasons why Omarosa should be banned from the annual family cookout for life…and forced to eat never ending quantities of unseasoned chicken and bland runny potato salad peppered with conversations about hockey and Dale Earnhardt Jr.’s stock car triumphs at gatherings hosted by her previously adopted White brethren.

1. In her obsessive ego driven quest for fame she failed to recognize that allowing herself to be a token tool in the Blood Orange President’s pursuit of White Supremacy was an absolute fool’s errand.

2. She stupidly and incorrectly assumed the minions she crushed beneath her Red Bottoms in her pursuit of world domination would welcome her return with open arms.

3. Wait, didn’t she become a minister a while back? What happened to her pastoral duties when she decided to stump for the Marmalade Monkey. I have questions.

4. Because I never forgave her devious vile lying ass for throwing Kwame Jackson under the bus in season 1 of The Apprentice.

5. As previously stated above, Bitch Please.

6. Because everything she says and does is all planned and orchestrated and reeks of obvious desperation to remain relevant until her book is released.

7. Her desired route to financial security was to willingly and joyfully jump into bed with bigots.

8. Because her former fiancé actor Michael Clarke Duncan died of a heart attack and I still got questions.

9. Even though she claims she resigned, her ass got thrown out the front door of the White House like Uncle Phil tossing Jazz on the Fresh Prince of Bel Air

10. She’s obviously a Russian troll what other explanation is there for her support of an ignorant, chauvinistic, classless, multiple deferment, draft dodging …uh never mind see #7.

Misstated Union

No, I didn’t watch. I did everything within my power to avoid Jabba the Orange Hutt’s State of the Union speech. I’m fully aware of this man’s Millennial Southern Strategy and watching him spew his racist venom to his base in support of his ethnic cleansing plan is something I don’t need in my life. Not to mention the fact that I can’t afford a new TV…I surely would have thrown something at it. So instead I watched a pre-recorded episode of Black Lightning (the jury’s still out on this one) because I knew I would hear all about it the next day. So, no I didn’t watch it, but I knew he would not disappoint.

As predicted, the orange hued racist in charge made a bunch of promises which won’t be kept. He boasted about the state of the economy of which he has had no effect. He bragged about his numbers. He continued his divisive alienation rhetoric and reached out to the aforementioned base with statements like, “Americans are Dreamers too” which is the new All Lives Matter and he further promoted his demonization of immigrants as the boogie man intent on murdering innocent Americans. I find it interesting that he had the families of victims killed by what he characterized as illegal alien gang bangers but where were the families of those beaten or killed by the Alt Right White Supremacists. Charlottesville anyone? Yeah, interesting but not surprising.

So, what about those economic numbers he bragged about? Two things. First, he refuses to acknowledge the fact that he’s simply riding the wave of the economic surplus and decreasing unemployment trend which began under the previous administration (thanks, Obama). Seriously, this man claims Black unemployment is at its lowest since slavery, but I need someone to point out to me which of his administration’s policies has specifically addressed Black unemployment. Oh, my bad I forgot about his job stimulus plan to deport undocumented immigrants and replace their low wage jobs with African-Americans because as I’m sure you’re aware, we’re all part of the great uneducated Black monolith and these are the only ones for which we qualify…and you should be grateful for the Great Pumpkin’s gracious generosity. Second, the statistics he cites are the same ones which he previously dismissed as “falsified” when they were used for President Obama. This orange tinted clown denied the positive economic indicators under Obama but now suddenly, they’re ok and of course he takes credit for them. (releases heavy exasperated sigh)

Truthfully, the only thing this man is concerned with is convincing his dumb ass supporters that nothing is ever his fault. In their eyes he’s doing everything he can to get things done and if it wasn’t for the damn FBI, Democrats and the Secret Society of People Who Hate Fat Orange Men he would have completed all his campaign bullshit promises by now. Oh, and Hillary let’s not forget to blame Hillary. Whenever he considers himself under attack, he deflects to Hillary because after all she is to blame for all the ills of the world…right? Well at least all the ills of his world.

Anywho, hate to break up my rant but I gotta go. I just got a memo I need to read.

Oprah For President?

My top ten reasons why this Oprah for President nonsense must cease immediately. In no particular order.

1. Giving great speeches doesn't make you competent to govern. In no other field would we trust an amateur to learn on the job to take care of our needs.

2. Some of the same 53% of White women who voted for Trump are also part of Oprah’s suburban soccer mom fanbase. Who’s to say where the loyalty lies.

3. No more TV personalities for president. Hasn’t America learned its lesson? Just because you’re popular doesn’t mean you’ll make a great president. Oprah is a great philanthropist but she’s no match for experienced politicians or constitutional lawyers. Having a solid history of experience in government is mandatory for the position. Government is not a business and contrary to the sometimes-hilarious shenanigans of the current administration, it is not entertainment.

4. Because we’re better than Republicans who are incapable of learning from their mistakes. The Democrats need to quit bullshitting and relying on Trump to fail and start grooming and promoting a qualified candidate today.

5. Trump is literally the Village Idiot, so I know it’s easy to think, “well if he can become President, anyone can”, but no…just no.

6. Let’s not forget Oprah’s early TV work. Shows like Jerry Springer & Maury Povich are a direct result of her early sensationalized version of television journalism.

7. Instead of running for office wouldn’t America benefit greater if Oprah started a super PAC? Money from her and Tom Sever alone could create millions to help flip some state houses and congressional seats.

8. I don’t know about you but the fact that she force fed Doctors Phil & Oz to an unsuspecting and extremely gullible world really makes me question her judgment not to mention the moral implications of such a gift.

9. Trump won not just because of his celebrity but because he was willing to say out loud the things, so many closeted bigots thought or uttered privately among themselves.

10. I like Oprah, but unless she intends to give everyone in America a car, I don't see her as president.

OK, so maybe number 3 is like 4 reasons but I wanted a top 10 not a top 14…sue me.