I See Black People

Okay folks I swear I didn’t make this up and I really didn’t think these crybaby Republicans could get any nuttier…until now. Apparently someone left the gate open because Black people are invading the state of Maine by the truckloads. The outgoing Maine Republican Chairman, Mr. Charlie Webster is claiming that hundreds of mysterious black voters cast votes in rural Maine towns which led to Republican Party losses. According to Charlie, "In some parts of rural Maine, there were dozens, dozens of Black people who came in and voted on Election Day, I'm not talking about 15 or 20. I'm talking hundreds." Mr. Crazy pants also added "Everybody has the right to vote, but nobody in town knows anybody that's black how did that happen? I don't know. We're going to find out" (I swear to God his racist ass actually said that) and “without a voter ID law or way to check, voting was fraught for abuse." Damn those cagey clever Blacks, what a plan. I know if I wanted to commit voter fraud I would invade lily white rural Maine with hundreds of anonymous inexplicable Black folks, have them somehow go unnoticed or raise any questions and then show up at the polls on Election Day…BRILLIANT! The man attempted to defend himself with, “anyone who suggests I have a bias toward any race or group, frankly, that's sleazy.” Yeah Charlie, sleazy like making baseless claims of voter fraud and thinly veiled racist statements like “nobody in town knows anybody that’s Black”. Really? Who is the crazy man and more importantly, who are the people who put him in charge? By the way if that many previously unseen Black people suddenly showed up in Maine as voters wouldn’t somebody have some damn pictures of at least the buses they rode in on? Just saying.

These people are becoming increasingly pathetic in their desperation to explain themselves to those who invested millions into Republican Super PACs and ended up with zilch. My first thought was this guy has absolutely no idea how the voting process works. You can’t just show up on Election Day and cast a ballot, you have to register first. But he knows that and he doesn’t even believe what he’s saying, he knows it’s not true. He doesn’t need logic because he also knows that it won’t matter to the conservative conspiracy theorist nut jobs who want to hear these kinds of things as they need someone other than themselves to blame for not only the loss of the election but also the rejection of their ideas and way of thinking. But that’s not the end of it folks this guy continues his racist rant. Charlie claims that people are moving to the state of Maine for welfare and that during the summer he heard of “young men coming to the doors of minority voters and telling them that the Republicans were going to take away their food stamps, their welfare checks, their disability and they brought them a ballot and they voted for Democrats.” I’m actually at a loss for words. So first Blacks don’t exist because he’s never encountered these elusive beings but of course when he does find them they’re sitting on their lazy no working asses waiting for “free stuff”. This sour grape eating asshole and his hateful racist rhetoric scares me. I’d feel more comfortable if he would just put on a white hooded robe and burn a few crosses.

So let’s see how long it takes for public outcry and calls demanding an investigation into voter fraud for the state of Maine and how quickly it’s linked to President Obama. It may sound like a ridiculous story now but isn’t it amazing how a story can be told over and over again until it becomes fact? You know like the facts that end up on FOX News or birther central as I prefer to call it. Next up, hundreds of mysterious rich White folks show up riding Unicorns in Compton, CA passing out rolls of hundred dollar bills to dumbfounded residents.