Mr. Grumpy Pants Goes To Washington

Why is John McCain still on my TV? Didn’t he lose like four years ago? Why is his short round Alfred Hitchcock looking ass still here and what can I do to make him go away? In an attempt to manufacture relevance and remain in the spotlight, this man has been on every Sunday morning talk show, evening news broadcasts and internet news website for the past month. As they struggle to politicize the Benghazi Embassy incident and create controversy where none exist, he and his Republican cohorts have been blasting United States U.N. Ambassador Susan Rice attempting to portray her as the villain responsible for the attack. According to the Three Musketeers, senators McCain, Lindsey Graham and Kelly Ayote, Ambassador Rice, “purposely mislead the American public regarding the Benghazi attack and the forces behind it”. What she actually did was report the facts as she knew them at the time stating, “This is the best assessment we have today”. As U.N. Ambassador, Ms. Rice has absolutely no control over or involvement in foreign embassies the only reason she spoke on the situation was because Secretary of State Hilary Clinton was unavailable. The efforts by these three to link her to the incident reek of desperation. In an attempt to belittle and vilify the ambassador they’ve called her everything from “incompetent” to “not very bright”. McCain went so far as to say that he would do everything within his power to block any attempts by President Obama to appoint her as the next Secretary of State to which the President replied," I wish a muthafucka would”…well he didn’t actually say it but you know he was thinking it. What he actually said was that if Mr. McCain had a problem with the Benghazi Embassy attack he should take it up with him and not Ambassador Rice…translated, meet me on the playground at 3 PM and we’ll handle this.

So what’s really behind the senator’s obsession with Susan Rice? I mean former President George W. Bush had eleven U.S. Embassies attacked and I don't remember McCain and the gang creating crazy conspiracy cover-up theories about any of them. This is the same threesome who ferociously insisted Saddam Hussein had Weapons of Mass Destruction and got us into an unprovoked war in Iraq…still waiting for that apology. In an effort to calm the three scheming nut balls and quell their inquiries, Susan Rice agreed to meet with them Tuesday to answer their questions. Of course they used the occasion to advance their agenda and to make sure the media knew they left the meeting “more disturbed” than before. Oh did I forget to mention that Susan Rice is African-American? You know like Eric Holder, Van Jones and Shirley Sherrod the other members of President Obama’s administration who have been attacked by republican lawmakers and right wing pundits. And let's not forget Senator McCain is the same man who viciously fought and voted against the observance of Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday in the state of Arizona. Because of him Arizona was one of the last states to recognize the holiday almost ten years after it became a federal holiday. The truth is McCain has had a bug up his ass ever since the poison pen letter he sent in 2006 to then freshman Illinois Senator Barack Obama where he called him a liar and accused him of obstructing bipartisan lobbying reform and talked down to him as if he were a child. On top of that he has been a bitter, frustrated, vindictive, Obama-hating trouble maker since his humiliating presidential defeat in 2008. Apparently, in his mind the man is still running for president. It’s like he forgot he lost.

Because of term limits the senator is set to lose his status and prestige as the ranking member of the Armed Services Committee, which will leave him with nothing to do….except complain. He’s remained in the senate game made crazy ridiculous statements and claims for far too long and has now become the Terrell Owens of the senate, nobody wants him on their team. The man has outlived his senate usefulness. What he needs to do is not seek another senate term sit his disturbed ass down and retire. I would suggest that he retire with dignity but all dignity and respect were lost on him when he thrust the she beast Sarah Palin onto the world in 2008, an irreparable cruelty for which he is never to be forgiven. Mr. Grumpy Pants needs to discreetly pack his bags get the hell out of dodge and retreat to one of his many ranches, condos or beachfront properties spread across the country where he can complain and abuse the staff…and accuse them of silly baseless conspiracies.

This Christmas

Despite the fact that we have yet to even celebrate Thanksgiving, last week the radio station we listen to here at work began playing Christmas music and I gotta say I’m already fed up and feeling like I need to throw the damn radio through a window. All I’m saying is it’s only been two working days and already I’ve heard more carols than I care to count. The radio station is running a contest where you can win $10,000 if you hear Bing Crosby’s White Christmas two times in a row. I’d pay $10,000 just to never have to hear that damn song ever again. When I’ll be home for Christmas came on for the umpteenth time I thought to myself, “Yeah I bet your ass will be home and probably a week early too, you got enough time to walk at this point.” And don’t get me started on Mariah and All I want for Christmas, all I want for Christmas is for you to shut the hell up and never sing another Christmas song again. I will say that at least there is a variety of the type of Christmas carols we’ve been bombarded with from Elvis to Nat King Cole and Anita Baker to Whitney Houston and before you label me all bah humbug and Scroogey I will say some of them actually make me nostalgic. When I heard the song from the Charlie Brown Christmas Special you know the one, when all the kids are dancing around Schroeder on stage as he plays the piano it reminded me of how as children me and my sister Denise would attempt to imitate their dance moves and then fall on the ground laughing hysterically. And I gotta say I enjoyed hearing The Jackson Five with Michael singing, I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus… “And I’m Gonna Tell My Daddy”

In spite of the repetition I’ve learned a few things that never occurred to me before, like Rudolph was apparently one of the first kids to be bullied I mean all of the other reindeers used to laugh and call him names and then they never let him play in any reindeer games, come on. What a bunch of assholes. So he had a big red nose you would too if you spent all your time at the freezing fricking North Pole. I just hope when he made the big time and Santa called him up he gave them all the Bill Gates I used to be a nerd but now I’m rich treatment and told them all to kiss his artic ass. And can someone please explain to me exactly what Eartha Kitt was planning on doing with Santa Baby once she got the deed, the ring and the checks? Well she did say she wanted him to trim her Christmas tree. And how about that Mr. Grinch, a mean one indeed, “You really are a heel, you're as cuddly as a cactus, you're as charming as an eel, Mister Grinch", wow. Or how’s this, “You're a foul one, Mister Grinch, you're a nasty wasty skunk, your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk", Dr. Seuss had serious issues but come on I mean dude stole all of the Christmas gifts, Roast Beast, Who-hash and decorations in Whoville. The man has no shame but what do you expect “his heart was two sizes too small”.

Now don’t get me wrong I enjoy the Christmas season as much as the next guy but I would rather celebrate in a much more timely manner…and at least enjoy my damn Thanksgiving turkey first. I don’t mind it beginning to look a lot like Christmas, it’s just that it’s looked that way since before Halloween. You know what I’m talking about, timely. Like putting up the Christmas lights and shopping for a tree a couple of weeks before the date. Stocking up on brandy and egg nog for guests…yeah for guests, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Or what has become tradition at my house, looking forward to Christmas day gumbo and opening gifts with the grandkids. And the movies, I’m still a sucker for It’s A Wonderful Life and I always catch at least one viewing of A Christmas Story watching Ralphie scheming and pleading for his Christmas gift of the Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle…if you’ve seen the movie you know what I’m talking about, if not you should check it out.

The Christmas season wasn’t meant to last two months folks. They’ve even moved Black Friday up this year to Thanksgiving night...sheesh. What has always made Christmas special is the anticipation and expectation as it builds to a quick climax and rightly before you know it, it’s over and you can’t wait for it to come again. This slow build beginning in October takes away from the suspense of a shorter season and only serves to dilute the reason for the season. A person camping out overnight in a tent just to get a deal on stuff they don’t need is not what Christmas is all about. So how do we move the start of the celebration back to where it used to be and how do we regain the meaning of Christmas to what it was in years past? Should we start an online petition? Maybe we can get those secession folks on board.

I See Black People

Okay folks I swear I didn’t make this up and I really didn’t think these crybaby Republicans could get any nuttier…until now. Apparently someone left the gate open because Black people are invading the state of Maine by the truckloads. The outgoing Maine Republican Chairman, Mr. Charlie Webster is claiming that hundreds of mysterious black voters cast votes in rural Maine towns which led to Republican Party losses. According to Charlie, "In some parts of rural Maine, there were dozens, dozens of Black people who came in and voted on Election Day, I'm not talking about 15 or 20. I'm talking hundreds." Mr. Crazy pants also added "Everybody has the right to vote, but nobody in town knows anybody that's black how did that happen? I don't know. We're going to find out" (I swear to God his racist ass actually said that) and “without a voter ID law or way to check, voting was fraught for abuse." Damn those cagey clever Blacks, what a plan. I know if I wanted to commit voter fraud I would invade lily white rural Maine with hundreds of anonymous inexplicable Black folks, have them somehow go unnoticed or raise any questions and then show up at the polls on Election Day…BRILLIANT! The man attempted to defend himself with, “anyone who suggests I have a bias toward any race or group, frankly, that's sleazy.” Yeah Charlie, sleazy like making baseless claims of voter fraud and thinly veiled racist statements like “nobody in town knows anybody that’s Black”. Really? Who is the crazy man and more importantly, who are the people who put him in charge? By the way if that many previously unseen Black people suddenly showed up in Maine as voters wouldn’t somebody have some damn pictures of at least the buses they rode in on? Just saying.

These people are becoming increasingly pathetic in their desperation to explain themselves to those who invested millions into Republican Super PACs and ended up with zilch. My first thought was this guy has absolutely no idea how the voting process works. You can’t just show up on Election Day and cast a ballot, you have to register first. But he knows that and he doesn’t even believe what he’s saying, he knows it’s not true. He doesn’t need logic because he also knows that it won’t matter to the conservative conspiracy theorist nut jobs who want to hear these kinds of things as they need someone other than themselves to blame for not only the loss of the election but also the rejection of their ideas and way of thinking. But that’s not the end of it folks this guy continues his racist rant. Charlie claims that people are moving to the state of Maine for welfare and that during the summer he heard of “young men coming to the doors of minority voters and telling them that the Republicans were going to take away their food stamps, their welfare checks, their disability and they brought them a ballot and they voted for Democrats.” I’m actually at a loss for words. So first Blacks don’t exist because he’s never encountered these elusive beings but of course when he does find them they’re sitting on their lazy no working asses waiting for “free stuff”. This sour grape eating asshole and his hateful racist rhetoric scares me. I’d feel more comfortable if he would just put on a white hooded robe and burn a few crosses.

So let’s see how long it takes for public outcry and calls demanding an investigation into voter fraud for the state of Maine and how quickly it’s linked to President Obama. It may sound like a ridiculous story now but isn’t it amazing how a story can be told over and over again until it becomes fact? You know like the facts that end up on FOX News or birther central as I prefer to call it. Next up, hundreds of mysterious rich White folks show up riding Unicorns in Compton, CA passing out rolls of hundred dollar bills to dumbfounded residents.

No Country for Whiners

Post-election reaction from the Republican’s loss has been nothing short of amazing. From the Karl Rove FOX News meltdown on election night, Donald Trump calling for a revolution to attempts by conservative pundits to demonize anyone who voted for President Obama as “people who want things.” Unbelievable. Business owners who supported Romney are reacting swiftly and viciously. There’s a business owner in Florida who says he will fire those he suspects of voting for President Obama. Others are using the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare), a law that doesn’t go into effect fully until 2014 as an excuse to fire employees. Firing workers in advance of law becoming effective in its entirety is typical of Republicans who didn't get their way and are now throwing temper tantrums and punishing their work forces.

Papa John’s Pizza CEO, John Schnatter said he plans on passing the cost of health care reform to his workers by reducing their hours so that they fall under the 30 hour threshold which requires employers to provide insurance for employees. Excuse me but aren’t most of these $8 per hour workers part-time anyway, how many would he actually have to insure? It’s important to note that before the election Schnatter said that because of Obamacare he would likely have to raise the cost of pizza by 11 to 14 cents per pizza. I have no idea how this translates into reducing employee hours. This man is rather clumsily trying to make a point that because of President Obama he has to reduce hours…ridiculous. Serious business owners don't make controversial comments that insult over 50% of the voters (customers) and expect it not to hurt their business. Real world business owners have cost increases all the time and they don't just fire their employees every time vendors increase their cost, they simply increase their price and pass it on to the consumer and at 14 cents more per pizza who would even notice. Just a quick accounting lesson Mr. Schnatter, employee healthcare is a legitimate expense on your income statement and although it may reduce your net profits it doesn’t influence sales it only affects how much more you get to put in your greedy ass pockets. Unfortunately, he’s not the only one in the restaurant industry making these threats. Darden Restaurants, the parent company of Olive Garden and Red Lobster, have already reduced hours in anticipation of the legislation. Applebee's franchisee owner Zane Tankel said his company won’t hire new workers because of the law. If they all had taken that money they pumped into Republican Super PACs and instead invested it in healthcare for their employees, there would be no problem.

Of course we now have fanatical Romney supporters passing around statewide petitions to secede from the United States. Petitions have been filed in 20 states and not just southern states like Alabama where they take in $2 for every $1 they pay in federal taxes, New York, California and New Jersey have signers on the lists, which only proves that idiots reside in all parts of the country. Each nut ball who signed these petitions should immediately be put on a list by the federal government. They should be denied access to social security, Medicare, Medicaid, homeland security, FEMA and government funded education to start with. No more subsidies or tax rebates for their businesses, let’s see how long they remain in business or employed. On the other hand if they secede, businesses that remain in the U.S. can outsource to these new countries and pay their dumb asses $1 an hour like they do in China. Of course this hatred has been manufactured and stoked by over-the-top rightwing pundits who see conspiracies behind ever door. You know the same ones who complain that President Obama is trying to divide the country.

So where are the Republican politicians and why aren’t they denouncing these actions? If this had happened after the 2000 or 2004 elections which put George W. in office, you better believe they’d be out in full force to righteously label these people as unpatriotic traitors and threatening them with prison based on acts of treason. So where are they, still attacking President Obama of course. They have the nerve to accuse him of voter fraud suggesting he suppressed people’s right to vote…really! These people need to get a dose of reality. I say we get a petition going to have all of these traitorous idiots deported. With fewer of these unintelligent nuts around we may become a smarter country…and be sure they take Donald Trump with them.

Moving Forward

Thank God that’s over. I’m so sick of hearing about polling margins of error, disinformation, blatant lies and distortions of facts. I’m sick of conservative tea bagging Republicans who refuse to listen to the opinions and ideas of anyone who disagrees with them. I’m sick of their attempts to turn this country into a theocracy based on their morals and values. I’m sick of those who want to “take America back”, you know back to when rich old white men ruled the world. If they are so anxious to celebrate a time when Black people were segregated and all but invisible and women were confined to kitchens I suggest they get a DVD box edition of Mad Men…shame on you if you’re a fan. But mostly, I’m sick of seeing Romney with that eternally smug look of superior white privilege on his face. It’s time to move forward.

I’ll admit it was a bit of a nail biter but thankfully Republicans were unsuccessful in their attempts to add confusion to the presidential campaign and convince voters that President Obama was a communist, terrorist, America hating illegal alien. Of course the sore loser nut bags are not satisfied. Donald Trump last night called for a revolution tweeting “Let’s fight like hell and stop this great and disgusting injustice!” and “This election is a total sham and a travesty. Our country is now in serious and unprecedented trouble”…idiot. Republican strategist Karl Rove was especially funny on Fox News. Even though his network was the first to call the race for President Obama he sat there waiting for the fat lady to sing and steadfastly refusing to accept the fact and even pleading with the network to change their decision based on his crazy convoluted calculation for the state of Ohio. It was pathetically funny, at one point I thought he might cry. Bill O’Reilly placed blame on New Jersey Governor Chris Christie and his “cozying” up to President Obama. He also said, “It's not a traditional America anymore. The white establishment is the minority. People want things." What? Here we go again with the traditional America. While I agree whites are becoming the minority (more on that later) what the hell does “People want things” even mean? Are you fearful that some minorities are going to come over and take your stuff Bill? More likely what he really means is that minorities are now in charge and they want free stuff…same white supremacist rhetoric, different day. Meanwhile, Rush Limbaugh has remained surprisingly quiet. Maybe somebody finally got him that jewel encrusted muzzle.

In the final tally it’s no surprise to anyone that Romney took the former slave states in fact it was mostly expected but President Obama didn’t need them. He is the first President in history to win with fewer white votes than those of minorities. So what does this mean? It means despite attempts to suppress voters it’s obvious that minorities will wait in line into the early hours of the morning to vote. It means minorities somehow voted as a block, intentionally or not. It means white people better start repopulating real quick or resign themselves to the fact that they are slowly becoming the minority. Of course that’s what scares the hell out of them anyway. And by the way, why is Florida still counting votes? It’s the same thing every election, what the hell is wrong with that state? Well, at least they got rid of crazy pants, 90’s flat top wearing Allen West…seriously will someone please introduce him to the 21st century? Anyway I’m sure he’ll show up on Fox News as their latest Obama bashing commentator by the weekend so he won’t have to go on unemployment and risk becoming a member of the 47%.

So it’s a no go with the Republicans bid to make President Obama a one term president. The people have spoken and have voted for him to continue. At least this time he won’t be hampered with having to face reelection and hopefully his attitude will change from pleading to get things done to “I don’t give a fuck, I want it done”. Who knows? I do know that without the gloomy prospect of His Royal Highness Romney undoing what it took the President four years to do, I’m more hopeful for the future than before. I’m thankful that the culture of selfishness propagated by right wing conservative talking heads has at least been briefly delayed and for the moment silenced. All that’s left is for someone to get Aretha Franklin over to Karl Rove’s house so the poor man can stop babbling incoherently and get some sleep.