Contenders

If you had told me in 2006 that a new breed of politician would gain prominence on the national stage that could cause me to look on George W. Bush as a fairly reasonable, senior statesman I would have called you crazy. But just look at what we’ve got as competition for President Obama in next year’s election.

Rick Perry the current Governor of Texas said he heard God call to him to say he should run for President. All I have to say is haven’t you ever gotten a message intended for someone else from someone who had the wrong number. I mean how do we know God was really calling him? Isn’t it possible for God’s lines to get crossed? Really, he's got a full schedule no assistant and makes a lot of calls. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying God’s imperfect but it was his idea to make us different colors so he could tell us apart….just saying. Anyway, this is the man who in defiance of President Obama’s healthcare program threatened to have Texas secede from the Union, in spite of Texas having the worst uninsured healthcare rate of any state in the country. He was a loud and vocal critic of the President’s stimulus program but then used the money to balance his state’s budget. This Born Again Christian allowed the execution of a likely innocent man when he could have intervened and then impeded the investigation into the matter. Then he gutted Texas childcare services even as Texas childcare poverty rate hit 25 percent. Born again? Yeah, but to what?

Michelle Bachman. There are way too many crazies that listen to this nut job. And how is it that people in her own party refuse to call out the hypocrisy of her family using federal dollars to do personal business and then refusing to talk about it? Besides, she has crazy eyes. This woman believes the Founding Forefathers were against slavery. You remember the Founding Forefathers which included Washington & Jefferson both of whom owned slaves, a few of which Jefferson himself fathered. The Founding Forefathers who stated slaves were only 3/5 of a man…yeah them. And don’t get me started on her closeted husband and his crazy reparative therapy program to turn gay people straight. What. You don’t think he’s gay? Have you seen this man? I offer this as evidence http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0sFp0tnb7Wo come on that man is gayer than an Easter bonnet. He says gay people are “sinful barbarians” I say self-loathing dancing queen.

And speaking of self-loathing, what about Herman Cain the African-American Republican candidate. This man makes Steppin Fetchit look like Malcolm X. The only thing missing is a banjo. The man has never met a conservative white ass he didn’t immediately want to kiss. Mr. Crazy Pants has quite a few fanatical ideas about how the United States should be run. The former CEO of Godfather’s Pizza thinks radical Muslims are trying to infiltrate our government, Gay people have become too powerful and should be limited in their rights and African-Americans need to stop being victocrats get off welfare and get jobs. He refuses to criticize the GOP or the conservative movement for their lack of diversity and doesn’t think the Tea Party is racist. He just feels most African-Americans are too poor to attend their events. Thanks Herman, it’s good to know its money and not racism keeping African-Americans from the Tea Party. If elected he would only sign small bills…small as in 3 pages or less…ok. He wants to build a wall along the Mexican border but not just any wall he wants one modeled on the Great Wall of China complete with a moat filled with alligators. Typical conservative rhetoric, but it’s just weird hearing it coming from a Black man. Although that last one is just plain nuts.

Rick Santorum one of the few to sign the Marriage Pledge, along with Michelle Bachman and Mitt Romney. The pledge which seeks to deny marriage and civil unions to gay people and also states that black families were better off during slavery because there was a mother and father in the household…I’ll let that settle for a moment. Yep folks the National Organization for Marriage (NOM) headed by Maggie Gallagher, who to me looks like the skipper from Gilligan’s Island in drag, thinks that Black families were better off during slavery. Ahhh the good ole days of slavery, when you knew where to get a good meal & a nice warm cot to sleep on in a dank cold shack. When Black women endured nightly rapes by slave owners, men, women and children were traded off and sold like cattle, beaten and forced to live in inhumane conditions....good times. Yep he signed it and then tried to take it back.

Which leaves us with the aforementioned Mitt Romney, the Mormon and former Governor of Massachusetts. Yes the Mormons who until 1978 had a policy of excluding African-Americans from Priesthood and participation in temple ceremonies and in fact believed we had no souls. The same no coffee drinking, caffeine free, spirit prison, Negroes not entitled to the full blessing of the Gospel, multiple heaven having Mormons. The fact that this man is a Mormon may not be enough to disqualify him as a Presidential candidate for some but it’s enough for me. This is the same hypocrite who criticized President Obama’s healthcare program even though many say it was modeled after the one he created himself for Massachusetts and in the last election had trouble distinguishing between then Senator Barack Obama and known terrorist Osama Bin Laden.

Of course there are many, many more but I just don’t have the time or space to list them all and most of them are no longer serious contenders anyway, including the Thrilla from Wasilla, Sarah Palin. Considering the number of possible Republican candidates I guess a greater question to ask is, how many Republicans it takes to screw a President.