The Journey

I haven't written for a while and I thought I was suffering from writer’s block, but I now realize its grief. Next month I'll celebrate my 63^rd birthday and although I appreciate the wisdom and experience gained with age, I've come to learn that maturity comes at a price. Over the past two years I have suffered the loss of relatives and friends at an unforgiving rate. For each loss the grief was different, and it’s caused me to be in an almost constant state of mourning. It's also forced me to face my own mortality and own the fact that, not all of those we love will continue the journey with us. Ultimately, we are all born to die but I’ve grown to recognize death as simply a different journey of which we will all embark at some point.

I understand this realization may sound simplistic and for some harsh as we all grieve differently. And it will do nothing to console those still suffering losses, but for me it was somewhat cathartic. So, I’ve decided to use it to fuel my own journey’s continuation. I’ve become more appreciative of my friends and family and for some it may sound dark, but I’ve embraced the notion that each moment spent could be the last. I’ve never been one to travel in the world of “what if "or "if I had only" when it comes to life and events from the past as I strongly believe everything happens for a reason and although you can't rewrite your life story, you can certainly learn from it. The people placed in our lives are not there by chance and we should not be selfish but instead welcome the gift of their presence for as long as time allows. I also believe that every encounter and person we meet serves a purpose in our individual growth. Recognition of this fact ultimately adds to progression of the journey.

At any rate, I never claimed to be a philosopher I just had some rambling thoughts I wanted to share as part of my personal grieving process. I’ve gone through several stages of grief and on several occasions, I've attempted to put my feeling into thoughts. The fact that I was able to write this today without incessant tears is a bit refreshing.

The Boss

My apologies to all for interrupting the festivities as I'm certain everyone is celebrating the occasion of the birth of her holiness St. Diana. However, it's come to my attention that not everyone is as informed as myself on the origin of this blessed saint. So, in an effort to educate all, I thought I'd take a few questions from what I’m certain is but a small contingent of non-believers.

Non-believer: What is St. Diana's Day, sounds like something you just made up.

Me: Absolutely untrue. Allow me to quote from the book of Gordy…

Non-believer: Dude, there’s no book of Gordy in the Bible.

Me: Of course, there is…New Testament bro. Anyway Gordy 5:11 clearly states And God said, let there be Motown and she did cometh out. And when he flooded the land, she reacheth out to touch somebody’s hand and proclaimed, “Ain’t No mountain High Enough!”.

Non-believer: (Crickets)

Non-believer:  Ok, so where did this St. Diana come from?

Me: She was born mid-20^th century and hails from the hamlet of Detroit, also the birthplace of her royal highness Aretha who had yet to ascend to the throne as the Queen of Soul. In her late teens her holiness was visited upon by the three wisemen Holland, Dozier, Holland who encouraged her with the proverb “upon reflections you will stop in the name of love”. Their visit inspired her and she was motivated to study the teachings of the prophet Smokey of Robinson which led to her conversion to Motownism and with the Supreme sisters Florence Ballard and Mary Wilson she endeavored to spread the R&B visions of Barry the Hitmaker.

Non-believer: Um, ok. So, she’s at best an ok singer. How does such an average person qualify for sainthood?

Me: Bite your tongue heathen! (speaks momentarily in tongues) If you’re going to continue in this blasphemous vein of ridiculousness, I’ll have to cut short the interview. Frankly, there’s more to being a Diva than simply the voice. Visuals, performance and an infinite connection to the audience are all essential elements to true Diva fulfillment. Of course, 12 consecutive #1 hits ain’t nothing to laugh at either and hardly qualifies as average.

Non-believer: Well, ok but don’t you usually have to die before being anointed sainthood?

Me: Technically, you’re correct. However, in the case of her holiness, sainthood was granted with the Rhythm & Blues edict of 1979 based on the gospel according to the Apostles Ashford & Simpson, which clearly states, “she The Boss”. Accordingly, she was affirmed and ordained as the Patron Saint of Motown by the Detroit Archdiocese of the Church of Rhythm Now.

Non-believer: Ok, so I think I understand now. So, Diana…

Me: Um, that’s Miss Ross. You don’t know her like that.

Non-believer: Ok, So Miss Ross was granted sainthood and we celebrate her birthday on the 26^th of March.

Me: Correct. In fact, if I let you keep me hanging on, I’ll never get to celebrate. So, I’m going to end right here before I get turned upside down. I was touched in the morning and I could swear I hear a symphony playing somewhere. My mistake probably just a love hangover. Anyway, it’s my turn at my old piano so I better get going before the other partyers decide to come see about me. Happy St. Diana Day!

I’m Upset So I Can’t Think Of A Witty Title

I’m upset, disappointed and angry. When I first heard the news of Jussie Smollett’s alleged attack my first thought was, “shit, please let this be true”. I shared my feelings with a few friends who were curious why I hadn’t written anything about the incident. I let them know that I felt ashamed I would have such a horrible thought about someone’s possible pain & suffering, but I also couldn’t shake this feeling of skepticism and wariness of his account of the events. I’m pretty comfortable with the notion that if you’re out alone at 2 in the morning in some sketchy neighborhood it’s not because you wanted a sandwich from Subway. A couple of times I did think of writing something but I’m glad I listened to the voice of caution in my head which said, wait.

So now the supposed victim has become the alleged perpetrator & suspect. And still, I can’t help but hold out hope that his story miraculously turns out to be true. And if it turns out to be true, I will happily apologize. However, if in fact the allegations of him staging the whole thing are what is proven true, there’s no excuse I will accept for his privileged unethical selfishness. How dare he do this to a community already doubly marginalized by irrational hate and bigotry. And don’t get me wrong. I know that those who now choose to dismiss hate crimes because of Jussie Smollett probably would have done so before him anyway. It’s not like if his allegations were true all the bigoted people would suddenly disappear. Homophobes and racists will always exist. But he has helped to create additional obstacles for victims. In one fell swoop he has managed to feed the trolls and energize and embolden the bigoted naysayers who challenge victims of both homophobic and racist hate crimes. It’s disrespectful to actual victims and will only help to make it harder for them to report hate crimes. He owes apologies to those actual victims. He owes apologies to those who advocated and spoke up on his behalf. He owes apologies to us, his family.

Expressive

There’s an expression often used by Black folks to describe a person with whom you may have become frustrated or annoyed. Although the expression is commonly used, it is reserved for an exclusive yet deserving person. This individual has allowed you to reach a point where you feel no other descriptive options are available so you may turn to the person next to you point and say in an exasperated unbelieving tone, "this muthafucka here". In an effort to more clearly articulate the usage of this expression, I thought I’d provide a few examples from current headlines.

• Yesterday President Dumb Ass’ Commerce Secretary, Wilbur Ross was asked about his thoughts on furloughed government workers and their struggles making ends meet without pay checks because of the shutdown. When told that some federal workers were getting food from homeless shelters, he seemed perplexed and stated with absolute tone-deaf arrogance, "Well I know they are, and I don't really quite understand why." He noted they would be paid eventually and from atop his grand high horse said, "There's no real reason why they shouldn't be able to get a loan against it.” So, just to be clear, the solution from a man said to be worth over 700 million dollars is for cash strapped government workers to take out a bank loan in lieu of pay checks. Assuming they are credit worthy, they would take out a bank loan for money they are due from the government. When they are paid by said government, they would then pay back the loan with interest incurred for however long it took to get paid ... and he stated it as thought it was a matter of fact and simple solution anyone could figure out…this muthafucka here.
•  When asked about Mr. Ross’ statement, the Tangelo President said that banks were also “working along” with those facing financial hardship during the shutdown, “and that’s what happens in a time like this.” Um ok, at this point I’m just gonna quote this asshole verbatim, “If you have mortgages, the mortgagees, the folks collecting the interest and all of those things, they work along,” “Local people know who they are, when they go for groceries and everything else,” “And I think what Wilbur was probably trying to say is that they will work along.” (releases heavy sigh) This muthafucka here. Banks are in the business of making money and don’t care about why you’re late on your mortgage….pay me or get out. And how out of touch with the common man do you have to be to think that the clerk at your local Ralph’s or Albertsons will say to you when you’re in line to pay your groceries, “Oh don’t worry about it just pay me whenever you get paid by the government. Here, have an extra steak or two”. #TeamToneDeaf
• This morning Trump advisor and best bud for life, Roger Stone was arrested in relation to the ongoing Mueller probe. He faces multiple charges including working with WikiLeaks to hinder the Hillary Clinton 2016 presidential campaign, lying to Congress, witness tampering and obstructing the investigation into the Russian interference of the 2016 election. White House Press Secretary Sarah Suckabee Sanders this morning stated, “What I can tell you is that the specific charges that have been brought against Mr. Stone don’t have anything to do with the president” Ok so, Trump’s campaign manager Paul Manafort, Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen, Trump’s National Security Advisor Michael Flynn and Trump’s longtime associate and aforementioned best bud Roger Stone have all been indicted and none of it has anything to do with Trump…Bitch please! This muthafucka here.
• Finally, although the expression is used largely as a vehicle of frustration there are times when it’s used endearingly. Earlier this week the President who wears his ties freakishly too long proposed a deal to end the shutdown. He offered to give back DACA status to qualifying immigrants, with a 3-year term limit, in exchange for his stupid wall. Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi responded by basically telling him to kick rocks and in addition, uninvited his dumb ass to Congress for his annual State of the Union address. This morning President Flyaway Hair conceded to Nancy and offered a temporary end to the shutdown, with no concessions…This muthafucka here.

Lazy Racists

As a kid I was obsessed with Superman. I would sit daily in front of the television and in between episodes of The Three Stooges, I anxiously awaited the moment the man of steel would appear on screen. I had the Superman lunch pail, comic books and I dressed as Superman for Halloween for both the 1^st and 2^nd grades. (Ok I know, I was a nerd). My mother had to shop for my costume twice as I out grew it in between grades. I can remember her helping me get ready, making sure my costume fit properly and my cape swung correctly from the back. But you know what she didn’t do? She didn’t paint my face white. It wasn’t necessary everyone knew I was Superman simply because of the costume.

Unfortunately, there are still way too many of those of the melanin deficient persuasion who can’t seem to grasp this concept.  Every year around this time we get inundated with countless stories of idiot White people dressing up in blackface. Also, every year there are a ton of stories about some idiot getting fired for blackface so there is absolutely no way they didn’t get the memo. They know it’s wrong. The problem is they have this privileged, entitled attitude which leads them to believe they can do whatever they want with absolutely no consequences. Simply put, not acknowledging or caring that blackface contains a huge amount of derogatory historical baggage is racist. They don’t care that it’s offensive or even care to know why it’s so. And to be clear, most famous people and celebrities have easily identifiable characteristics which make changing skin tone unnecessary. So, when you make skin color the focus and defining feature of your costume simply because you have no imagination, creativity or can’t be bothered with recognizing other distinctions that make up a character or person, you are a lazy racist.

RIGHT

 

WRONG

In the Wrong pics it’s not just that they painted themselves in blackface, it’s the coded message. There’s not even an attempt to match the skin color of either Beyoncé or Jay-Z.  These two assholes see them not as talented celebrities but as their own clownish version of the stereotypical Black ghetto hood rat. Lazy racism.

But guess what? It won’t end. Next year we’ll have yet another round of knowingly clueless nut ball racists claiming to pay homage to their idols. They will unashamedly dress up in blackface, post it on social media and then cry a bucket of White tears because they got fired. Dumb asses. 

Lunatic (lu·na·tic): An antiquated term referring to a person who is considered as mentally ill, dangerous, foolish, unpredictable or crazy.

I’m no doctor but I’ve seen enough television medical dramas in my lifetime to be comfortable enough to diagnosis Kanye West. Now I don’t want to get too technical, but I believe the correct medical term is, that nigga crazy…sometimes the simplest diagnosis is best. Seriously, what the fuck? If you missed his one night only solo recital, live from the White House yesterday, please do yourself a favor and check it out: Crazy Negro in The White House  I have never seen such an incoherent bizarre unfocused display of word salad babble in my life. I couldn’t tell if he was being serious or if it was just some poorly written or unrehearsed standup comedy routine. Look, it’s bad enough that this Steppin Fetchit Negro has so publicly embraced the Orange President but to show up and then put on this performance straight from the Amos & Andy era for the whole world to see was both disgusting and embarrassing.

So, what did this mad man talk about? Well from what I was able to discern from the constant stream of nuttiness, Montessori curriculum, Trump’s MAGA slogan, illegal guns, trap doors, 13^th floors, the 13^th Amendment, fine wine, daddy issues, the Apple iPlane, Superman and mental health…and that was just in the first minute. Look, I know a lot of people want to excuse Kanye’s behavior by blaming it on mental health issues but come on, sometimes an ass is just an ass. He may in fact be a bipolar narcissist but that doesn’t excuse yesterday’s conduct. In fact, yesterday was all about the Narcissist Admiration Society whose membership consist entirely of Kanye and Trump. Their egos would not allow them to share the stage. And am I the only one who feared for his Black ass when from out of nowhere, he jumped up from his seat spread his arms and ran around the desk to hug Trump? Seriously dude, the room was full of Secret Service agents…with guns. Have you not been watching the news, or does your dumb ass simply have a death wish. When Trump thanked cuckoo for his seemingly endless aimless rant Kanye replied, “It was from the soul. I just channeled it”. Seriously, he said that shit.

My question is why he chooses, not unlike those who he said chose slavery, to idolize this despicable vile excuse for a human being and how in the hell he rationalizes the blatant racism the man consistently and vehemently espouses. How does he support or justify Trump’s hate mongering rallies or his humanitarian issues including parental separation and internment of innocent children? How does he explain the misogyny and the homophobia of Trump? How does he as a Black man reconcile Trump’s divisive rhetoric and his refusal to denounce White Supremacists and racist Alt Right groups?

Of course, I could be completely wrong. I mean perhaps he was actually auditioning for the recently vacated U.N. Ambassador position. That would explain a lot. After all, only a thirsty batshit crazy, ass kissing lunatic would be dumb enough to work for Trump and it goes a long way in explaining why he would allow himself to be so publicly exploited by this irrational racist would-be King.

Hurricane Kavanaugh

I don’t know if anyone saw the Kavanaugh performance yesterday, but it was an absolute sight to behold. This entitled asshole exploded into an angry hysterical conspiracy fueled rant of white male privilege unlike anything seen before. Like some 12-year old brat, he wants what he thinks is owed him and will remain angry and unreasonable until he gets it. Whether you believe the charges levied against him or not, do you think we need a Supreme Court justice with anger-management issues who yells at senators, cries and makes himself out to be a victim? This man is clearly not in control of his emotions and his tantrum proved he is unsuitable and much too vengeful to be an impartial jurist on the Supreme Court. His tearful self-pitied sanctimonious tantrum was pure theater. He wants to be a judge of the highest court in the land for life, and he can't even control himself when the pressure rises. Can you imagine what will happen when something doesn’t go his way in the court room.

He has that self-righteous angry look which seems to say, how dare you accuse me! The look of every smug Fraternity Row Bro’ I ever encountered at USC. The ones who showed up to class unprepared and smelling of some weekend long keg binge but assumed they knew more and were smarter than me because they were White…and I wasn’t. Even though he will ultimately get what he feels he’s been groomed for his entire life and most of White America is on his side, he still thinks his life is ruined and he will remain angry because the others dared to questions his privilege. You better believe it will play out in his decisions in court. If he is so innocent, why doesn't he prove it? He has refused a lie detector test (even though Dr. Ford has suggested they both do so) and he has fought any type of investigation. The truth is he is much too consumed with unfounded rage, self-pity and hate. An honest man doesn't get this angry. Kavanaugh doesn’t possess the stoicism and control to be a Supreme Court Justice. He needs to be sent to anger management class not the Supreme Court.

Dancing Machine

I recently returned from a trip to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico with a group of friends. I had a great time and really enjoyed the mix of tourists both international and American. Everyone was outgoing and carefree and completely wrapped up in enjoying themselves and the surroundings. Our group became friendly with a few others at the resort which was great because at the end of the day everyone gathered together to listen to the evenings selected house band. This also allowed for a few observations. Number one, White people love 80s rock. There were two house bands which played alternate nights but each one featured 80s rock. This was fine in the beginning as a few of us joined in a round of Name That Tune but after a while it all got to be a bit one note for us. After the third night we were all like, ok if you’re gonna do the 80s can we at least get some Rick James, Prince or something?  The White people however, loved it. What is it about White people that makes them just randomly jump up mid conversation and start dancing? This leads me to my second observation. Why can’t White people dance? There is absolutely nothing funnier than watching some drunk off her ass White woman rocking out to a Journey or Aerosmith song. When the music came on these women would lose it. From the way they danced it wasn’t clear if they were excited about the song selection or if they were swatting at some imaginary swarm of bees.

So, in an effort to shed some light on the Why White people Can’t Dance query, I’ve compiled a quick list of possible reasons why.

• They've never spent time dancing in front of a mirror. Come on now you know you did it in your youth. How else could you be sure you were matching the moves you saw on Soul Train. (Note to Millennials: Soul Train was a dance show for Black people popular in the previous century…damn I’m old.)
• Too much unseasoned chicken, God made Lawry's Seasoning Salt for a reason people. And don't get me started on that trashy potato salad. Seriously, raisins?
• White people spend way too much time worrying about what Black people are doing. Case in point, BBQ Becky, Permit Patty & Pool Patrol Paula . Less time spent worrying about what the hell we’re doing and more spent on honing those rhythmic skills could greatly improve their Electric Slide and or Wobble participation.
• Because they ain't never got a whoopin'. A lot of people assume our rhythmic roots are sourced from the drums of Africa but anyone who has spent time creating moves to dodge Big Mama's ass whoopin' will probably disagree. I'm not promoting child abuse but there's something about the workings of avoiding an ass whooping that sparks the soul to life.  A good ass whoopin' dodger must possess the skills, grace and agility of ballet, jazz and hip-hop. It should be an Olympic event. #AssWhoopinDodge.
• They suffer from Walk & Chew Gumitis. They can hear the music, but they can't dance or clap to the beat at the same time. This syndrome is also known as Beat Deafness which I'm sure is a genuine scientific term I didn't just make up.
• They've never participated in or witnessed someone catching the Holy Ghost. Nothing says bust a move like the Holy Ghost Shout. In fact, the Holy Ghost Shout is world renowned as the hands down champ of Step Dancing per the American Association of  Step Exploratory Dance (ASSED). Also, sorry but flavorless mediocre White gospel music simply does not inspire dance.
• Lack of melanin. The lack of melanin does not allow them to sync and sway to the beat because they don't hear it the same as we do. According to prominent doctor of Rhythmology, Dr. Funkenstein of the Parliament Institute of P-Funk, melanin is a vital element in the hearing process. This melanin deficiency causes them to be D'Void of Funk...it's not just knee-deep folks.

Finally, when I speak of dancing I’m not talking about Waltzes or Ballroom Dancing. Those dances are learned and studied. I'm talking about the natural intuitive ability to feel a beat and a connection to the music. How many times have you witnessed an African-American toddler in a baby walker getting down to a groove? Even though they can't walk they possess an inbuilt sense of rhythm. You can’t fake the funk folks…you're either born with it or not.

All Samples Cleared

To call Omarosa a lying evil narcissistic opportunist would be an insult to lying evil narcissistic opportunists. This woman was complicit in all of Trump’s evil doings and voluntarily chose to support and defend his illiterate racist orange ass as long as she was able to benefit and profit. It wasn’t until she was escorted to the front door of the White House holding her belongings in greasy old used KFC buckets the Mango President had discarded and unceremoniously shoved the fuck out that she was finally able to see the light and suddenly become aware of the wickedness of her surroundings. Um, bitch please.

So now she’s out here on some bogus redemption tour, fake crying in interviews, spilling tea and dropping White House staff audio like she’s the Queen of Mix Tapes. As an aside, just why are these idiots surprised Omarosa would have tapes. Did they not watch The Apprentice? Seriously, she practically invented the reality show villain. This vindictive self-serving snake woman has set a clear precedent of doing what’s best for Omarosa…always. And just to be clear, I don’t care if she has video of Trump in authentic KKK regalia, burning a cross on the grave of Martin Luther King, Jr while tap dancing and singing a duet of Dixie Land with David Duke and intermittently shouting, “Obama is a Black ass nigger!”, I’m done with her ass. She sold out Black folks and now she’s trying to get a seat back at the table to which I say, nah yo ass is still trash. I remember when you bent over and told the entire Black race to kiss your ass. As a matter of fact, her Black card was revoked, and she was excommunicated by a unanimous vote of the African-American Council On Coon Activities (AACOCA) years ago…the revocation included a first ever provision of absolute permanent non-reinstatement.

So, here’s why I don’t care. If you were ever going to have an issue with Trump’s racism it would have already happened. In fact, if you’re still giving him a pass, tapes or even the aforementioned video of him screaming nigger at the top of his lungs will never change your opinion. We all know he’s a racist piece of shit and the media needs to quit with the Omarosa drops a bombshell bullshit. In fact, his base white people know it and don’t care because most of them agree with him. And I said most because I don’t want to be inundated with a bunch of not all white people nonsense. Those who hate him will continue to do so while the MAGA lovers will celebrate and excuse him because, “he says what he thinks” and “it doesn’t make you racist if you’re only taking about the bad ones.” Remember, Trump voters are stupid. What other explanation is there for their constant defense of his moronic messy bitch ass.

At any rate, I’ve checked my wallet and once again I find myself fresh out of fucks to give. Trump will eventually pull the Fake News card and move on to the next episode. He doesn’t have time for this he’s got security clearances to revoke and parades to organize.

Madea Goes To (insert ridiculous crazy locale here) … A Tyler Perry Production

TYLER PERRY FAN: Why you always hating on Tyler Perry?

ME: Because he’s a horrible writer and director and his shit movies are always the same.

TP FAN: Well I like his movies. They’re uplifting, and I don’t think they’re all the same.

ME: Every single Tyler Perry movie is filled with exploitive pseudo-Christian beliefs and stereotypes, and they always have the same theme. Some woman getting dumped or physically and mentally abused by her misogynistic asshole husband or boyfriend (usually an incestuous pedophile) until she goes to see Madea who has a “spiritual” talk with her, throws in some amusing erroneous Bible quotes and helps her to find herself. And of course, Madea reminds the woman that the surest route to eternal joy is through subservience to a good man…with strong Christian values.

TP FAN: He tries to offer positive female role models. I think that’s a good thing.

ME:  Oh, my bad. You mean positive role models like the one where the female character cheats on her husband, gets raped, becomes addicted to drugs, and in the end is seen as a miserable lonely loser who’s become HIV Positive and deserving of her fate. Or maybe you meant the one where the professional Black woman in an effort to get to the top, cheats on her husband, this time with a White man only to realize in the end she was being used but she’s too proud to admit it. Surely you don’t mean the positive role of the aunt who was so self-indulgent and consumed by her career that she missed the signs of her pedophile boyfriend’s abuse of her niece while in her care.

TP FAN: Well you’re just picky and in the minority. Everyone I know loves Tyler Perry’s movies.

ME: True and proof positive that there’s just no accounting for taste.

TP FAN: I think you’re just bitter. What if everyone felt your way? I think we should support Black creativity.

ME: Again, please don’t mention creativity when speaking of this man but let me ask this question. Do you think White people go to see every movie just because it’s made by a White person? If Black artist want support from the community shouldn’t they be accountable and held to some type of standard? Besides, at this point his filthy rich hypocritical prosperity gospel believing ass has a built-in audience who will buy any garbage he puts out. They literally get bussed to his movies from church…after second service of course.

TP FAN: Um, ok. But I still think you’re just a hater

ME: I’m not hating on the man. In fact, I appreciate and am inspired by the business model he created and the fact that he hires African-Americans almost exclusively. He’s a great industry role model and donates to many African-American mentorship programs. And I do enjoy the fact that he keeps Cicely Tyson employed on a regular. I just think his shit movies suck and perhaps he should cede some creativity to others. Why is it that every single thing the man does is written, directed and produced by Tyler Perry?

TP FAN: Well I guess there’s just no convincing you. Let’s agree to disagree, I’m out.

ME: No problem, good talking with you. Hallelujer!