Anybody Seen Baretta?

So O.J. has been granted parole and I find myself unable to give a fuck. Not one. Zero, nada, none, nohl. Legally there wasn’t much of a challenge. Dumbass did his time and apparently was a model prisoner so no surprise, they let him go. Now maybe he’ll go somewhere and sit his ashy ass down. Seriously dude got away with murder double murder and then goes to jail for jacking his own shit and gets sentenced to 33 years. Did I mention it was his own shit? He deserved jail just for the sheer stupidity and for apparently forgetting he had already used his one Get Out Of Jail Free card.

Here’s the thing. O.J.’s murder trial was never about his guilt or innocence. The trial was about the guilt of America’s racist criminal justice system and I get it. I get why Black people would stand behind and support such a cause. The Dream Team was able to shift the focus in the minds of Black people from the actual crime to one of historical racial injustice thereby creating a winning strategy. Which was brilliant strategizing and for that they should be applauded. Unfortunately, the verdict did nothing for a still corrupt and racist criminal justice system…nothing. He was acquitted and ultimately the only thing it proved was that money can buy anything. Including innocence. He was never the humble innocent man victimized by a racist system which was the ticket his team sold to Black America. To be honest, there were and still are many more deserving of a Dream Team. Post acquittal he was the same arrogant, egotistical asshole he had been before. He could’ve spent his remaining days playing golf and chilling in Florida and I don’t know maybe shown some actual humility by doing something to express appreciation to a community who had rallied and stood behind him.

But he couldn’t shut up or be bothered with Black people because as he said himself, "I'm not Black, I'm O.J."  He could not stand being out of the spotlight, so every time you looked around there he was. Hanging out with various blonde White women and writing stupid books like, If I Did It. This book was essentially a confessional which detailed how he would have committed the murders...if he had done it. Because. He. Did. It. Yep, I said it and I’ve said it for years. I said it before the trial, during the trial and after the trial and I was villainized for it. But the fact is there weren’t any secret Ninjas in the dead of night folks, the LAPD did not frame him, it wasn’t his damn son or the Illuminati nor any of the other seriously ridiculous theories floated over the years. The murders were committed by Orenthal James Simpson. So just stop it. His ass is guilty…and you know it.

At any rate, writing dumb books and talking about how he was looking for the real killer while relaxing on the golf course and partying with the aforementioned blondes was like rubbing salt in the wound and it just antagonized and pissed off White people more and more. So they kept messing with him. The FBI searched his home for drugs and accused him of money laundering. DirecTV sued him for pirating broadcast signals. Really, they did and they won. Then he was arrested for speeding…on a boat. Seriously, who gets arrested for speeding on the water? If it was a speed trap where would they even hide? Dumb ass. That alone should have been his cue that they were looking for a reason any reason to lock his Black ass up. But nope he’s sitting around one night chilling and drinking with his homies and one of them says “you know what Juice, we oughta go get your shit” and…well you know the rest.

So here’s a question. When was the last time anyone heard from Robert Blake? Seriously, where the hell is Baretta. He too was questionably acquitted for the murder of his wife but you know what he did. Got the hell out of town. Fell completely off the radar and we haven’t heard from or seen him since. Unfortunately, this will not be the case for Mr. Simpson. In his mind he’s still the Juice from the 70’s flying through airports, renting cars from Avis and everyone knows and loves him. Mark my words, his attention seeking ass will return and with a blonde on each arm. They’re lined up at the prison gates right now waiting for him. 

The Russian Connection

I’m really beginning to feel like we’ve all been somehow cast in the television show, Everybody Hates Trump. (Seriously, the entire world hates this man. Check out this link, Trump Ain't Shit). Surely, this can’t be real life. I keep waiting for someone to wake me up from this sitcom nightmare and to be honest, I’m not sure if it’s a sitcom or a drama. Maybe a dramedy because it’s funny and you have to laugh at the stupidity but at the same time the stupidity is really just sad. At any rate, in case you missed this week’s show, grab yourself a bucket of popcorn and allow me to recap.

Another shoe has dropped in what has already been a pretty rainy shoe season for Trump and this whole Russia mess. According to the New York Times, over a year ago Sonny Corleone Donald Trump, Jr. met with a Russian operative who promised damaging information to be used by the Trump campaign against candidate Hillary Clinton. When the article came out last Saturday Junior immediately denied the meeting ever took place. He then retracted and said it took place but it was about Russian adoptions. So the New York Times said hold on buddy we’ve got your email exchange discussing the meeting. So before they could release them, Junior releases screenshots of the text messages because you know, he wanted to be all transparent and shit. My first thought was damn what an idiot, but then I realized he was simply trying to get in front of the New York Times who were about to release them anyway and he figured if he released them first it would look as though he had nothing to hide. Naturally Trump’s base of dolts totally bought into this bullshit and were immediately affected with Whataboutitis. What about Hillary, what about Obama, Benghazi, Obamacare, bring back coal! What a bunch of idiots. 

Actually releasing the emails would have been a nice plan except just like the New York Times article implied, the emails are full of evidence of Russian collusion. Junior says there’s no collusion because the meeting ended with no exchange of any useful information. Whatever the hell that means. Now I know some may agree with Junior’s assessment but if I broke into your house but didn’t take anything because I realized our taste in merchandise differed and opted to leave all of your gaudy furnishings behind, it would make me no less guilty. I still broke into you home…intent. And we only have Junior’s word on that whole no useful information thing. So where’s the collusion?  In the emails. The Russians stated the damaging information regarding Hillary Clinton was part of Russia’s support for candidate Trump. This is exactly what the contact said in the email to Dumbass. The Crown prosecutor of Russia met with his father Aras this morning and in their meeting offered to provide the Trump campaign with some official documents and information that would incriminate Hillary and her dealings with Russia and would be very useful to your father. This is obviously very high level and sensitive information but is part of Russia and its government's support for Mr. Trump. Seems pretty clear to me, stolen documents offered as “part of Russia and its government's support for Mr. Trump”. Junior responded with “If it’s what you say I love it.”

Last year after news broke that the DNC had been hacked and they suspected the Russians were behind it and attempting to help Trump, Junior had this to say "Well, it just goes to show you their exact moral compass. I mean they'll say anything to be able to win this. I mean, this is time and time again, lie after lie after lie." Wow. This privileged arrogant asshole has the nerve to question someone’s moral compass yet he was so desperate to get dirt on Hillary Clinton that he met with a representative of a hostile foreign government who was offering support for his father, Donald Trump by releasing stolen evidence against Hillary Clinton, his political opponent. He then had the audacity to spend the entire year claiming the media and fake news were attempting to frame his father for a nonexistent crime. He is certainly guilty of treason and at a minimum of election tampering. And he must have balls the size of an elephant.

Of course Trump Sr. says he had no knowledge of Junior’s meeting with the Russians until the New York Times story broke but check out what he had to say last year two days before the meeting took place, "I am going to give a major speech on probably Monday of next week and we're going to be discussing all of the things that have taken place with the Clintons,", "I think you're going to find it very informative and very, very interesting." I’m sure the timeline is purely coincidental. It must be noted as well that both Paul Manafort who was Trump’s campaign manager at the time and Jared Kushner Trump’s son in law also attended the meeting. A meeting Kushner failed to disclose as part of his security clearance. Twice. Wait, what now? New information in says Trump’s lawyers knew about the meeting at least three weeks ago. But yeah, control freak Trump knew nothing about it. Oh, and yesterday he blamed the entire scandal on the Obama administration...of course.

To be clear this is the stupidest administration in the history of our country but we are dealing with a group of people who have never been held accountable for their actions in their lives. The privilege and smugness and their superior attitude of being untouchable is sickening. Unfortunately, they are correct. In the end, in spite of the fact that all of this should aid in making Mueller’s job easier, nothing will happen. As usual there will be no consequences. Everyone will be righteously indignant for a few days and then the show will continue. Tune in next week to see what happens after Junior learns daddy has thrown his ass under the bus…and Fredo Eric is driving. 

Offended

I put no restrictions on who reads my writing because a) how could I? People will share as they please, this is the digital age, shit gets passed around b) someone could come across my blog online and c) why would I want to? I bring this up because recently I received an email from someone who stated they were offended by something I wrote. Now my first reaction was to think “well fuck you, I can easily remove you from the email list, why are you on there anyway, asshole.”  (I know pretty extreme, probably should talk to someone about that rage) However, I do in fact care what people think of my posts. Well to the extent that it’s relevant to what I’ve written. I share my ideas, views and opinions as entertainment but also for discussion, so why be pissed off if someone doesn’t like something I've shared. At the same time, just because you’re offended doesn’t necessarily make you right, so let’s talk about it. And to be clear what the person objected to is irrelevant and has been discussed in full by myself and the complainer uh, person who addressed the issue.

I have at times been brutally honest and emotional in my writing as I’m never ashamed of the feelings I set to words. I find it somewhat cathartic to express my feelings by putting them to paper or to be more accurate to Microsoft Word…this being the Millennium and all. Alternately, I find it dishonest and restrictive to have to consider the feelings of others when I write. When I’m putting thoughts to Word (see above), I can’t fully express myself if I have to take into account the feelings of every possible reader. I’m not saying your feelings are invalid but they are only to the extent that they don’t hinder the conversation. To be honest, based on the topics of the majority of my posts someone is bound to be offended or will choose to be, so it may be unavoidable. After all, isn’t offense a subjective term? I for one am offended by grown men in Rompers…seriously whose idea was this?

If my honesty or my opinion offends you, I apologize but I won’t stop. So when you read something I’ve written which you may find objectionable or offensive, I encourage you to discuss. We don’t have to agree in order to have a conversation. By the way, there is no shame in asking to be removed from my blog list…no one will know but you and me. And contrary to my initial reaction in the first paragraph, I promise I won’t go all Incredible Hulk on you and curse you out.

A Few Thoughts

• So I enter the locker room the other day and this guy is sitting on a bench naked as the day he was born with his feet up clipping his toe nails. I gave him this what the hell are you doing look and he says, “No, it’s ok I just showered, my feet are clean”. WTF! He actually said that. I stood there stunned as the nails continued to fly by and I felt I just had to say something. I thought I was being diplomatic but what actually came out was “Dude, that’s disgusting.” So he gives me the stink eye and I’m thinking, well hell I’m not the one creating a torrential nail storm bro, disgusting is putting it mildly.  Apparently someone else had complained because the manager showed up and made him stop but now whenever I see him gives me that I know you snitched on me look…whatever, nasty ass.

• I say Trump got it wrong. It wasn’t former President Obama who wiretapped Trump Towers. I think it was one of those detectives Trump sent to Hawaii to search for Obama’s birth certificate. I mean think about it, where the hell did they disappear to? According to him they were finding “tons and tons of evidence”. Maybe the evidence was on him. Or perhaps Steve Harvey is smarter than we thought and we owe him an apology. Really, was he left alone at any time during his visit to the tower? Wait a minute, this just in. The White House blames British Intelligence for the wiretapping then almost immediately issues an apology to them for what they called a ridiculous story. Seriously, WTF is up with this administration?

• People who refuse to see Moonlight because they believe it’s pushing the so called gay agenda are simply missing out. But I want to be sure I understand this. Are you afraid that at the end of the movie you’ll find that you somehow got touched with the gay and start looking at me funny? Is it really that easy to turn your paranoid ass out? Anybody who comes out of this movie with that mindset has clearly missed the point of the movie…which is just sad.  Really, the idea that these filmmakers set out to covert straight people to gay is beyond stupid. Trust me I’ve read it in its entirety and conversion and recruitment are not included in the gay agenda. I’ve been to the meetings and it just doesn’t come up (Note to self: Renew membership). In fact it’s considered somewhat taboo…something about there being enough competition among gay people as it is.

• If you lean when you’re texting do your messages come out in italics?

• Is a hot dog a sandwich?

• What is it with kids calling adults by their first names? We are not equals I am your senior and can still put a foot up your ass. Address me as Pop, uncle, sir, Mr. or grandpa (ok maybe not grandpa). Now quit rolling your eyes and get off my lawn.

• How is The Weekend only one person? I mean it’s made up of two days or two and a half if you Include Friday Happy Hour. Maybe he should change his name to The Tuesday or if he insist on the weekend just pick one of the days. That’s it, from now on he’s The Saturday.

• This whole getting old thing stinks. The other day I walked into the bedroom and I just stood there. I knew I had gone in there to get something but I had forgotten what it was, so I just stood there. I felt like I had to get something so I grabbed my watch. Ha, old age you will not win! So I grabbed my keys and headed for the door…now where was I going?

• Years ago I was in my boss’s office seated having a discussion. Now it’s just me and her in there when it suddenly got really funky and I knew it wasn’t me. She continued talking as if nothing had happened, as if she had not just let go of that silent atomic bomb and I’m thinking to myself, “now you do know, that I know that was your funky ass right?” I mean it’s just me and her, what was she going to do pretend it was me? Or maybe she was hoping it would quickly subside, no such luck. After about a minute or so I started tearing up, my vision got blurry and could have sworn I lost consciousness for a few seconds, so when I found I could no longer stand it (I don’t know WTF she had eaten) I excused myself and left. Needless to say I shared the moment with all of my co-workers and we had a great time about it behind her back. More importantly I learned a valuable lesson and I no longer allowed myself to be alone in confined quarters with her stealth fart bombing ass.

• After I leave the gym each morning I stop at 7-Eleven for a cup of coffee for the ride to work. There’s usually a guy out front asking for change and I whenever I see him I give him a couple of bucks. It’s become pretty routine and I’ve begun to refer to him as my guy. Through conversation I learned he’s an artist and I’ve even bought some of his work. I’ve got a painting of Ray Charles from him which I have yet to frame. One particular day I stop to get my coffee and notice he’s not there but there’s another guy. I go in to get my coffee and on the way out he ask for change. I hesitated because you know, he wasn’t my guy. He got all insulted and said, forget it I’m not gonna beg you and I’m thinking well yeah you kinda just did, but what about my guy? You’re not my guy, I can’t give you money what if my guy sees me and thinks I’m cheating on him? I can’t cheat on my guy, he’d never forgive me, he’s my guy. So I headed for my car but he was still glaring at me, judging me and I’m sure cursing me. But what could I do, he wasn’t my guy.

• So the bathroom at work has one of those sensors which controls the lights. You walk in and the light turns on automatically. The bathroom is located down a dark hallway and the door has one of those suction thingy’s at the bottom so no other light gets in. So I went in the other day and closed the door but the light didn’t come on. I didn’t panic as this has happened before. I just wave my hand and the light comes on. So I start waving and nothing happens. I get more deliberate with it, nothing. So I start spinning around waving my arms like Morris Day doing the Bird until I made myself dizzy. Now I have no lights, its pitch black and I’m disoriented. So trapped in this cube of darkness, I dizzily begin gaging the wall trying to locate the sensor switch. At this point I realize my situation and start laughing hysterically to myself. I finally locate the sensor switch and get the lights on and take care of business. I walk back to my desk and they must have heard me laughing because all of my co-workers are staring at me like I’m crazy.  One of them said, “Must have been some funny shit.” Remind me to tell you about the time I was seated when the lights went out.

Identity

This blog post contains several spoilers to the film Moonlight. Read at your own risk.

  

 I saw a movie several months ago and it’s taken me this long to write about it because every time I sit down to write I get choked up…it’s just that relatable for me. The movie is Moonlight. It’s an independent African-American film which explores the themes and struggles of masculinity within the African-American community as told through the heart of a boy who is also striving to understand his sexual identity. It’s also about the healing power of human connection and the power of adult role models good or bad to shape the lives of youth. The story is told in three acts and set in 1980’s Miami.  Each act shows the main character at a different stage of his adolescent development struggling as he navigates his way through a world filled with bullies until the final act when he becomes a man.

We first meet Little who at the age of six or seven years old doesn’t understand the constant verbal and physical attacks from his peers and simply wants to fit in. He has one friend, Kevin who will remain constant throughout the film and who tries to help him fit in. He’s also dealing with a verbally abusive mother slowly becoming addicted to crack. It’s during this period where he meets a drug dealer named Juan, who will become his defining male role model and along with his girlfriend his surrogate parents. At one point Little ask Juan, What’s a faggot? Followed with, Am I a faggot? Juan takes his time answering and explains to this boy much too young to be burdened with such questions that he can be anything and anyone he wants to be and to not let others define who he is. A simple answer but it spoke volumes to Little, as his young mind was not yet equipped to handle yet alone to deal with questions of sexual identity…and it spoke to the six-year old me.

There’s a scene in the second act where the main character Little a teenager who now goes by the name Chiron is at school and stares out a second story window waiting for the bullies below to tire of waiting for him and leave. It’s a quietly unspoken haunting scene and It reminded of the bitterness and resentment I’ve had for years for things going back to my early childhood. I too had been the victim of incessant bullying by my male peers.  I wasn’t particularly athletic, spoke with a lisp, wore glasses and being the only boy was considered soft having spent probably more time with my four sisters than I should have. To be clear, as a child you don’t have to be stereotypically gay to be bullied. All it takes is for your peer’s perception of difference or nonconformity to inspire attacks. If my family knew about the bullying they didn’t get it from me. Like the character Chiron, I kept it inside and never shared my pain with anyone. It’s also during this period in the film that he and Kevin connect in a way which has a lasting and enduring impact on Chiron.  Unfortunately, Chiron, angry at having been picked on for so long finally explodes and fights back, albeit to his own detriment and that of his friendship with Kevin.

When I left high school for college I made a conscious decision to reinvent myself. Don’t get me wrong in spite of the bullying I endured, I was popular and had many friends in school. I simply was not happy with the picked on ball of mess I felt I was inside so I decided I would become who I wanted to be. Reinvention was my way of fighting back. In the final act the character now called Black has made just such a decision for himself. He’s now living in Atlanta and through an apparent regular and I gotta say, impressive workout regimen has transformed himself into a physically imposing tough guy and now exhibits a hardened darker personality. He has also followed in the steps of his role model Juan. There’s a reconnection with Kevin and it causes him to reflect on their time together and come to a realization he shares with him which ends the film.

I was angry and at some points struggling not to cry throughout the film as I found it intensely personal regarding its themes and considerations of Black masculinity and sexual identity. I should point out that I believe masculinity to be a fluid term ultimately determined individually. I genuinely believe we're shaped, day by day, by our experiences and our decisions. Little, Chiron, Black’s struggles to find himself and where it took him was ultimately determined by his surroundings and the characters within. In the end I was left with the feeling that we all have the capacity to rise above crushing odds. Sometimes finding your identity can be a tough road…but it’s worth the toll.

All Hail King Trump

"He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it."

Martin Luther King, Jr

This whole idea that we should get together for a chorus of Kumbaya and celebrate the inauguration of Donald Trump is ridiculous and insulting. Yeah I’m talking to you Stepin Fetchit Steve Harvey. That was a wasted meeting especially when you come out of it and say we just talked about golf and he’s a nice guy…fuck you! And shame on you Martin Luther King III for shuffling up to Massa’s big house after he insulted and attempted to vilify one of your father’s last disciples. People are mad over the election results and rightly so. For those who say we should wait and see what Trump does, he’s already shown us. He has promised to change things for the average person yet he fills his cabinet with a bunch of ethics challenged billionaires and white privilege entitled racists. Seriously, Jeff Sessions for Attorney General? How more obvious of his intentions can this man be.  He has vilified our national security agencies, fraternized with evil dictators (show those tax returns buddy and prove me wrong) and threatened the nation’s relationships with our international allies. All before he was even sworn in. Give him a chance my ass, would you give Satan a chance? I say we give him the same chance he gave President Obama with all that birtherism bullshit.

One more thing, don’t tell me I should respect the office of the presidency when President Obama was disrespected from day one. They shut down the government, refused to legislate, solicited foreign leaders to oppose him and stalled and struck down Obama's executive actions and even took him to court to fight them. Trump made hateful, racist misogynistic comments all during his campaign and now I’m expected to suddenly find respect for him? I don’t think so. I say we give him the same kind of respect that he showed for women, the disabled, Mexicans, Muslims, Gold Star families, African Americans, his fellow presidential candidates during his campaign, and his opponent.

Validation

First of all, for all the Bernie or bust people who “just couldn’t bring themselves to vote for Hillary”, to the idiots who wasted their votes on third party candidates and to those who simply did not vote, FUCK YOU!! We’re screwed and it’s your fault. By throwing away your vote you have endorsed hate and bigotry…sorry just had to get that out of the way.

So how does this happen. How does a lying, alleged rapist, egomaniacal bigot become president of the free world with absolutely no political experience. How did America elect a con man who’s so incompetent he loses money on a Casino? How did America get this stupid? In addition to the non-voters, I blame the Trump supporters who were played by a con man and are too stupid to even know it. He tapped into their anger & fears. Did we underestimate their numbers, sure but he exposed and provoked their seething racial acrimony, rallied the xenophobes, misogynists and homophobes and they showed up to vote. These birther touting  bitter Bettys have been vocally upset and angry since President Obama won his first term and Trump made it ok for them to hate again openly…and they showed up to vote. The con comes into play when none of his promises are kept. When he cuts taxes for the wealthy, when he repeals Obamacare has no alternative plan and 30 million people find themselves without healthcare or when he’s unable to create the jobs he’s promised. His pro Putin attitude and ideas of allowing nations to arm themselves with nuclear weaponry is frightening to say the least. The promises to pull out of established trade deals and global agreements if brought to fruition threaten to severely damage U.S. markets and create another recession. Unfortunately, we all share in the same economy and all including his idiot base which are mostly the poor and middle class will be affected equally.  

But it wasn’t just the overt, over the top Alt Right racist supporters who got him elected. Nope, included are the closet Trumpeteers. You know them, they’re probably right there at work with you now. The ones who’ve been smiling in your face all this time laughing along with you at Trump’s buffoonery and expressing their disgust of him. But they too have been secretly hating President Obama’s tenure, they just weren’t as overt as the mainstream Trump zealots. For them the excuse of what they consider immigrant encroachment is reason enough to wrongly blame them for all of their problems. The slow economy and loss of jobs brought on by the conveniently and often dismissed Bush recession and the threat of terrorism all excuses for them to buy in to the false Trump rhetoric. Quite honestly, they probably don’t believe themselves to be racist but the promises of change and their pent up anger won out and they allowed themselves to support his racist attitudes and behavior…they showed up to vote and voted for Trump, quietly in the privacy of the booth.

The other day I wrote that I can’t imagine living in a world with Trump as the president and I still can’t. Unfortunately it seems I underestimated the number of idiots in this country. This morning Wick and I looked at each other as we both separately prepared for work and silently we communicated. Without a word we both expressed our disappointment and frustration of the election outcome but we both knew we had to soldier on. Bills need to be paid and we still have to eat. And no, the world hasn’t radically ended but it seems once again racism has been validated in America and it sure feels different.

Armageddon

Have you ever been told you couldn’t vote because you didn’t own property? Or that because your grandfather didn’t vote prior to the civil war, you were ineligible? How about being told you had to pass a literacy test in order to vote. Ever been required to pay a poll tax before you were allowed to cast your ballot? Do you know why you’ve never experienced such humiliation? It’s because blood was spilled and people died in order to give you the right to vote. Donald Trump has unleashed an unfocused anger in the White electorate. A desire to blame the "other" that is both ugly and scary…and they would love it if you chose not to vote.

This man couldn’t pass a 6^th grade American Civics test but he knows he can control by placing blame on African-Americans, Latinos, Muslims and other minorities. He has taken the uninformed and instilled fear into them and he actively courts those who blame people of color for their situation. You know them, the extremist, radical, ALT Right, Birther, Tea Party, Evangelical, weapons of mass destruction carrying, anti-everyone except white people Conservatives. Look, I know the Hitler comparisons abound but I fear for America. If you took two minutes of your time and looked at how Hitler controlled his country with hate and fear, look at how he began the movement with Jew haters and then you really listened to Trump, you would fear for America too. For those who say they won’t or can’t vote for Hillary, don’t vote for her. Vote the party platform. A party platform which now includes much of Bernie Sanders thoughts and ideas. Vote the party platform and make sure she’s held accountable to it. And remember the next President could appoint as many as three of the next Supreme Court Justices which will ultimately determine the legal course of the country.

Donald Trump is like a huge orange asteroid from some disaster film and he’s headed for earth. No matter how you may feel about Hillary or the system, Trump is headed for earth. It’s not too late. It’s time to wake up. It’s time to vote.

Staying Alive

At first we thought it was just a white disease. You know because locally it was only affecting White men in West Hollywood. It was the eighties and unless you were a snow queen who lived there, Black gays did not frequent West Hollywood as not only did we have our own neighborhood clubs (and House music), we were clearly unwelcome north of Wilshire. I’ve always found it amusing that people so often perceive the gay community as extremely liberal and accepting to all. For us when it came to white gay establishments, our blackness clearly outweighed our gayness. We used to joke about getting double carded at the West Hollywood clubs while White guys on skate boards with back packs looking all of twelve years old rolled on in past us with no ID. But it eventually reached our side of town and slowly began to invade our lives, this disease not yet named. A friend of a friend had gotten sick from some strange flu virus or something and within a matter of months and even sometimes weeks they were gone. We tried to rationalize by blaming it on those who did drugs, spent time in bath houses or generally led unhealthy lives. The crowd I ran with was fairly clean cut so we all fooled ourselves into feeling safe.

When it began to affect us as a group, we were unsure how to react. Hushed voices spoke of so and so who’d gotten sick…but shh, don’t tell anyone…keep it to yourself. We watched helplessly as our friends began to die off and our ranks diminished. The reaction from the Black community was particularly devastating. We were told we were less than and somehow deserving of what we had foolishly brought on ourselves…God’s wrath. We were shunned and ostracized by those who we called our own and the one place we should have been able to seek non-judgmental solace closed its doors to us. The Black church. Those who claimed they cared for our souls condemned us to hell. I can remember having to actively seek burial and memorial services for friends as their homecoming was deemed dirty in houses of worship. When we were able to secure a place, we were either completely ignored or preached down to and publicly demonized. You’ll forgive me my obvious angry bias against bible thumping, select scripture quoting, fake Black Christians but if you’ve ever spent time seeking a place to memorialize your friend, a friend whose family had disowned and abandoned him, a friend whose only crime was living his life truthfully, a friend who assumed those who had raised and righteously protected him as their baby boy would do so with his passing, you might understand.  To this day I’m unable to fully release the resentment I harbor as though it would somehow be a sign of disloyalty to the memory of my friends. To be clear in spite of the total disregard for our lives by the many Black pulpit bullies and their willfully ignorant congregations, I never turned away from God. I just realized I don’t need a church in order to facilitate my spiritual relationship.

So we formed our surrogate family and banded together to silently but defiantly fight for our dignity and to battle the discrimination from within our own community. Discrimination brought on by ignorance, assumptions and false prophecy. And always as we battled it was in constant fear of that dreaded four letter word and the certainty of the death sentence it imposed. We battled simply to stay alive leaning on each other for support as hope became our mantra. Perhaps we should have been stronger and ignored it but the weight of the judgement was crushing and the fact that it was coming from the people and the community we loved made it painfully unbearable. Fortunately, over time scientific research led to effective preventive solutions and the community allowed themselves to become educated about the disease as well. The ignorance and judgement abated…somewhat. And I have to say I was privileged to have friends and family to lean on who were mostly non-judgmental but always caring and compassionate. Others, many others were not so fortunate.

All these many years later I find myself today turning 60…WTF! Though I feel proud to have lived through those times I feel guilty for having survived. I know that in those early days I did nothing particularly different than those who passed, as initially none of us knew what to do…I was just lucky. Of course with time I learned the rules of survival. I learned how to stay alive but for many of my friends, it was already too late. Today I can’t help but to think of my friends. Those who never saw their 30^th, 40^th and certainly not their 50^th birthdays. Friends with whom I assumed I would grow old. Not all of them were victims of the disease but they all died much too soon. I wonder how their lives would have turned out, what they may have become and the successes they may have achieved. I wonder how they would feel about the things the younger generation now take for granted. Way back then most of us were not out to our families and certainly not at work. There were no Black out athletes, politicians or other people of prominence. My friends were never able to engage in an argument of gay marriage, adoption or even simple gay rights, to them it would have been unimaginable in fact not even on their radar. A Black president? They would have laughed you out of here. Dating hook-up sites? Please, back then you met people the old fashioned way…at the club.

So Happy Birthday to me, I’m fortunate and thankful to have lived another year but more importantly Happy Birthday to my friends for all those many birthdays missed. I celebrate you and today I live every moment for you all. Please join me in toasting my brothers.

Garland Jones

Dennis Mathieu

Vince Livingston

Calvin Woodard

Leroy “Poncho” Matthews, Jr.

Duane Bremond

Darrell Trible

Anthony Jiles

Aaron Davis

Leonard “Mickey “Gindratt

Greg Washington

Torrey Edwards

Matthew Pearson

Heywood “Woody” Weaver

And

Daryl Lamar Troup

A Change of Heart

So Donald Trump has come to the realization that Klan members, White Nationalists and racist Nazi bigots alone won’t get him the votes necessary to win the presidential election. So now he’s courting the minority vote by reaching out to the African-American and Latino communities. Except he’s decided to court them by speaking exclusively to White audiences and reinforcing their negative stereotypical view of the deplorable plight of minority voters. I don’t know, usually when you want to speak to a specific group of people you go where they are. Wait, what’s that now? You feel insulted and agree that’s not the most effective way to reach the intended audience? Well of course it is because this isn’t about the minority vote or some attempt at outreach, it’s about White people. White people on the edge who can’t bring themselves to vote for him because of his continual racist rhetoric but think if he’s reaching out to the minority communities he can’t really be that racist, now can he. And just as an aside, where the hell are his token African-Americans? He used to have a couple of them standing behind him at his events but they seemed to have disappeared…just wondering, not suggesting sending out a search party for their dumb asses or anything they’re probably happily back on the plantation.

So Mr. Trump goes to a Klan rally rally in Mississippi and again in front of a an audience completely devoid of minorities calls out Hillary Clinton and the Democratic party as bigots and says minorities should vote for him because democrats have made our communities uneducated impoverished war zones full of crime and drugs that only he can help. With him as president he says we’ll be able to get off of welfare and walk down the street in our neighborhoods without the fear of getting shot. He’ll bring back jobs from Mexico and China and we can all go work in his factories for stagnant minimum wage and we’ll all be so thankful we’ll be worshipping at his feet. (Isn’t that called slavery?) Ok, this asshole is just fucking insulting. Seriously he generalizes and paints entire groups of people with broad strokes as crime ridden, jobless, uneducated and living on freebies from the government.  Because of his generalizations he and his supporters see us as all the same, so of course there’s no variety in our lifestyles or livelihoods. None of us are college educated, have good jobs or own homes. We’re all unemployed, lazy more than likely on drugs and constantly killing each other for sport. So he says we should vote for him because “what do you have to lose?” Well let’s see:

• Healthcare.
• Any chance at a minimum wage increase or higher wages.
• Jobs, jobs, jobs.
• Criminal justice reform.
• The Supreme Court.
• Sustained institutionalized racism.
• An end to voter suppression and the gutting of the Voter’s Rights Act.
• A woman’s right to govern her own body.
• Changes to gerrymandered districts.
• His appeal and enabling of white nationalist and supremacists groups.
• Dignity & self-respect.

Just to name a few.

To be clear we’re just supposed to forget that whole vile racist birther movement you helped to promote Donald? Or that during the primary, Mexicans were rapists and murderers and now, not so much? What about your claims that a judge was biased against your legal case “because he’s a Mexican”. We’re just stupid and don’t remember your refusal to condemn your white supremacist and Klan supporters? Were you just joking when you said the Trump supporters who beat up a homeless Latino man were simply being passionate about voting for you? Weren’t you the one who said “we need more racial profiling”? What about that housing discrimination suit brought against you and you father by Blacks and Latinos in New York in the 70s? Hello, is this thing on? Please, Donald Trump is full of shit. He hasn’t changed his views or his opinions. He’s the same condescending, bigoted, sexist, narcissistic, bankruptcy filing loser he always was. Simply put Donald Trump is an inherent racist snake oil salesman, he can’t help himself. Any minority person who falls for this latest strategic change and votes for him is a delusional idiot.