Not sure if you heard about the Alabama Slamma, but last weekend a bunch of shirtless flip flop wearing rednecks decided to jump a Black man…in broad daylight…in Montgomery, Alabama...in full view of a bunch of Black folks. So, prior to the ass whooping these fools should have seen coming, a riverboat was attempting to dock in their reserved space which was wrongly occupied. They had waited for almost an hour, so the Co-Captain who happened to be a Black man took to the task of informing a group of drunk and apparently suicidal white boys that they were in their spot and needed to move. Now I know we’ve all experienced the frustration of getting to work or home and someone is in your spot. You really want to just blow their shit up and you damn sure wouldn’t wait for an hour while they refuse to move. But the brother was calm. He asked them to move so that he could dock but was met with white privilege resistance and was told Fuck that nigger and Kiss my ass motherfucker. Just like to point out here that white people use the hard “R” and say motherfucker while Black people properly pronounce it muthafucka…same with nigga. Anyway, the brother remained composed and proceeded to unhook the offender’s boat from the dock at which point the aforementioned Good Ole Boys decided to rush and jump him.
There were at least six of these Hillbillies who had him on the ground punching, kicking and even one white woman stomping him. Now, I don’t know if the act of this brother throwing his hat into the air was a signal for help but there was a Black woman who could clearly be heard stating, “Y’all help that brother!” which alerted the Oh Hell No forces to his aid. It was like her voice was the Bat Signal summoning the Beatdown Crew. It was at this point that the Black Justice League showed up including Scuba Gooding, Jr. who dove in from the riverboat and swam to the dock to heroically aid in saving his friend.
I wish I had thought to bring popcorn to view this ass whoopin because it was epic. And to be clear the Crew was not discriminatory; it wasn’t just men. There was one Black woman who had her purse on one arm and was knocking out foolishness with the other. When dude hit Mee-Maw with that chair I thought, “so this is how God intended for me to go, laughing myself to death”. By the way, folding chairs are now considered a lethal weapon in the state of Alabama, and you’ll need a permit to carry. Seriously though, you know this is the only thing in the entire video FOX News will focus on. At this point the Hee Haw Squad found they were outnumbered and retreated. The police showed up to disperse the crowd but found the I Got Your Back Squad had already taken care of it. And thank God for the video because if not for it, every single Black person involved would be in jail by now.
A few lessons learned here but most notably, never bring bare knuckles to a chair fight. This is what happens when entitled hate filled cowards think their white privilege puts them in charge. Their assumption of whiteness over others didn’t work for them this time and they fucked around and found out. All they had to do was move the damn boat.
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