My Left Foot

On a typical Thursday morning just a little over a month ago, I awoke to the buzz of my alarm clock. I lay there for a moment contemplating my day and my morning workout. Nothing special just an easy Thursday heading towards the weekend. I sat up in bed and turned to place my feet on the floor. As my feet hit the hardwood, I felt something shoot up my left foot. Now, I’ve never gotten the holy ghost or spoken in tongues but the sound that emanated from me came from deep within my gut and can only be described as tribal. I screamed a piercing high pitched melodious Phantom of the Opera, Three Tenors, Minnie Ripperton glass shattering note, and I cried. I cried hard.  I cried for the all the injustices in the world, I cried for the suffering children of Africa you know, the ones with the flies all over their faces, and I cried for myself…this was some unprecedented painful shit people. I felt like it went on for an hour but in reality, it was probably less than 30 seconds.

At some point I regained my composure and I don’t know what the hell I was thinking, or I guess I wasn’t because I put my foot down again. Now, I thought what I had experienced the first time was pain but folks, this was some other level shit. I didn’t know what to do to stop the ever-increasing painful agony. So, I just lifted my foot in the air and it worked, momentarily. But as soon as the pain realized where I had placed my foot it reacted like “so that’s where you went” and immediately shot the red-hot fire right back into it. So now I’m sitting with my foot in the air and screaming in excruciating pain because I have no idea what the hell is going on. So, I lowered my foot slowly, but didn’t let it hit the floor…now what?

I got up and hopped on one foot to turn the light on. I looked down (mistake) and this time I covered my mouth because what I saw made me want to scream not in pain but in terror. At the bottom of my ankle was this big red swollen mass of flesh with toes peeking out. Seriously, it looked like a scene from some comical horror film. My foot was the size of a small round black bomb like from a Looney Tunes cartoon and it was throbbing like it was about to explode. I looked like the spawn of big foot. It was so puffed up I’m surprised it didn’t just float away. It was so big that…ok, I’m all out of metaphors but you get the point, sucka was big.

So, what you may ask, was wrong with my enormous pontoon? Gout. Yep, I’ve officially become an old man with gout. All I need now is a walker, orthopedic slippers and some adult diapers. Now to be clear I diagnosed myself before ever heading to the doctor. I googled…which was a mistake. Although my self-diagnosis was correct I also found a lot of misinformation. A lot! One website insisted I should immediately stop eating all types of meat, fish and most fruit & vegetables. WTF. What was I expected to eat, humans? But the one that struck me like a bolt of lightning was when I googled again, and it said no more alcohol…ever. None. Nada. Zippo. To be clear this website said that I was to spend the remainder of my life in a constant state of sobriety which is bad enough in a normal world but in this current Trump era? Blasphemy! Shoot me! Seriously, just kill me now. Most people who know me know that I’ve been known to occasionally indulge in the spirits. You know every now and then… (ominous music plays in the background)…ok, I’m a drunk. But at least I admit it and the thought of going through life without the use of alcohol as a crutch to help me get through the good and bad was just unnerving.

Fortunately, I’m blessed with a great medical plan which allowed me to immediately hobble in my flip flops for a chat with my personal White Coat. He explained to me that yes most of the things I read were true but the foods I read about could be eaten in moderation. Nobody was asking me to become a cannibal. So, I asked him in what I thought was a calm voice but in reality, was me speaking through tears brought on by the thought of the aforementioned sobriety, “what about liquor?”. He paused, I think intentionally. It was like a cliff hanger from a soap opera. I sat there waiting for his answer as the music pumped slowly to a crescendo and the camera alternated between close ups of my face and his. Finally, he said, “yes…in moderation”. When I came to (because surely, I had passed out from sheer joy) I found myself thanking him profusely. I was shaking his hand and damn near doing back flips…uh, maybe I should consider sobriety.

Anyway, the foot swelling and pain lasted a good two weeks and since then I’ve been eating just chicken, select vegetables, fruit and a lot of milk and dairy. Lactose intolerance be damned (lets loose silent fart). No red meat, pork or shellfish. And the liquor? Frankly I’m scared to death. The idea of my foot swelling to the size of an elephant’s hoof again is terrifying. I’ve had a total of three shots over a three-week period…yes, I counted and measured. Maybe I should share my story at an AA meeting. Could prove to be a great cautionary tale.

Stuntman

So yesterday Trump’s little bitch pulled the most obvious publicity stunt of the year. Can someone explain to me why the Orange President’s VP took a flight from Las Vegas to Indianapolis to watch a game with a decidedly predictable outcome (sorry fellow 49ers fans) especially knowing he had to be in Los Angeles the next day. This was not only a publicity stunt but a costly one for American tax payers. Although they have intensified with the current season, the kneeling protest have been going on for well over a year, so there is absolutely no way this drama queen did not know this would happen. Are we to believe he was caught off guard? Blatant, obvious, desperate, stunt. He even left the traveling media pool in the car with the engine running and probably told them “I’ll be right back”. Nothing more than a shameful tactic to appeal to Trump’s flag waving racist base. Also, although it has absolutely nothing to do with the NFL protest I just love pointing out the fact that this man calls his wife mother. Creepy.

I’m getting a little tired of the arrogance and entitlement of the anti-protester crowd. You know the ones. They say these athletes should be happy to be earning their salaries and they should just shut up and be thankful. But thankful to whom? As if they are the ones who gave them permission to earn money. Condescending bullshit. Athletes protesting systemic murder of minorities should not be a political issue it should be something everyone is on board with.

What’s been conveniently left out of this conversation about so-called disrespect of the flag is that it was a former Green Beret Nate Boyer, also an NFL player, who convinced Kaepernick to kneel during the anthem rather than sit, which was his original form of protest. He and Kaepernick agreed this would be a more respectful form of protest. They chose kneeling versus sitting precisely because it’s not disrespectful.

In other news this weekend, as Trump and his minions distract with their usual bullshit divisive rhetoric, seemingly paranoid white supremacist Nazis returned to Charlottesville with their tiki torches shouting, “You will not replace us!” I assume they were referring to sane and reasonable non-racist people replacing them. They also included, “The south will rise again” and my favorite, “Russia is our friend”. So, suggesting civil war by claiming the south will rise again, which is in fact a threat of treason is now somehow acceptable and patriotic but kneeling in peaceful protest is disrespectful to the flag. Also, last time I checked Russia was still considered a hostile foreign government. Just want to be clear.

Lost Messages

Ok so I just want to clarify what I wrote the other day. The current cover of Sports Illustrated is tilted A Nation Divided, Sports United. It’s meant to be a comment on the ongoing protest and is comprised of athletes from various sports teams and although Colin Kaepernick is nowhere to be found there are several prominent White men included. The deliberate exclusion makes it painfully obvious that the protest begun by Colin Kaepernick over a year ago has been completely lost. His protest was not about first amendment rights and certainly not the NFL’s ego. Kaepernick knelt to protest government sanctioned murder of people of color. I blamed Trump for changing the narrative but the NFL is complicit as well. The NFL has co-opted his protest and are attempting to create some bullshit revisionism and it’s happening right before our eyes. By making this a free speech issue or a protest over divisive statements made by Trump or his blatantly racist supporters assertion that those kneeling are disrespecting the military and veterans, attention has successfully been diverted away from the actual message. This is what Kaepernick had to say at the beginning of his decision to kneel.

"I am not going to stand up to show pride in a flag for a country that oppresses black people and people of color. To me, this is bigger than football and it would be selfish on my part to look the other way. There are bodies in the street and people getting paid leave and getting away with murder."

When Kaepernick started this movement, Trump was nowhere to be found. Well he wasn’t President yet at any rate. The point he made regarding systemic racism, police brutality and centuries-long oppression has been hijacked by those who have instead made it in to some watered down anti-Trump liberal cause. These new protests may in fact contain some who are well intentioned but what they’ve done is made it more easily consumable by White audiences and I’m pretty sure the NFL is aware of this fact. They’ve effectively and purposely white-washed Kaepernick’s cause to where it’s no longer recognizable. By the time the Super Bowl comes up everyone will be kneeling on one knee and singing Kumbaya to protest non-ecofriendly yoga mats or some shit.

One more thing and I’m done. When I saw Ray Lewis kneeling I lost it. This shucking and jiving murdering motherfucker is the same one who said Kaepernick should cut his hair in order to be accepted and taken seriously. He called him un-American and he's the same dumbass who told Baltimore owners not to hire Kaepernick based on something his girlfriend said. To add insult to injury when a petition was started to remove Lewis’ statue in Baltimore his bitch ass damn near broke down in tears and said he wasn't kneeling on one knee in protest he was praying on two. Right. Fuck you Ray Lewis you ignorant sell out Stepin Fetchit asshole.

I'm done, I have no more words.

Offended

Is booing during the national anthem now somehow respectful? On Sunday and again on Monday night players from several NFL teams peacefully protested amidst boos from their home crowds. Some chose not to take the field at all during the playing of the anthem while others kneeled and looked directly at the flag. So, I must ask the question, who was more disrespectful, those who kneeled in silent protest or those who disrupted the national anthem which could not be heard over their incessant rude booing? I’d also really like to know exactly what the privileged consider an acceptable form of protest. We’re told don’t march in protest, don’t kneel in protest, don’t use social media to protest and don’t dare challenge the Orange President in protest. Apparently for some the only acceptable form of protest is polite and quiet submission.

With his constant blabbering, divisive tweets, calling black men’s mothers bitches and insisting peaceful protesters should be fired the orange man has successfully managed to distract from the original issue of Kaepernick’s protest of systemic racism and engaged his audience in a fake patriotic stupid flag waving narrative. He has made this an issue of disrespecting our military and questioning the protesters patriotism while purposely refusing to address the real issue. How about the fact that our communities continue to face terrible and cruel injustices? According to him and his ilk we should be thankful. Thankful to be second class citizens. How dare these ungrateful players express concern for themselves and interrupt White people’s weekend entertainment of gleefully watching mostly Black men bloody themselves running into each other with their stupid whiny protest. Because of course they see us as entertainment…only.

The American flag is meant to represent freedom and justice for all…at least that’s what we’ve been taught. The irony in all of this is that those who object to peaceful protest are the ones who are un-American. They choose to ignore the statement against social injustice and racial inequality made by protesters. They choose to be offended by protesters who say this is not about the American flag or the military. They refuse to acknowledge the fact that these players actually take pride in their country and risk their jobs and sponsorship's with these protests. They refuse to acknowledge systemic racism but continue to be its main beneficiaries. They refuse to grasp the concept of the right to protest which is as American as you can get. It is my right as an American to honor or ignore the flag or the national anthem and thankfully my right to ignore forced patriotism. I continue to be amazed at how angry racists get and all caught up in their feelings whenever Black people exercise their constitutional rights in this country.

Stupid

Why won’t this man stop being stupid? Seriously, nobody says this much stupid shit without a gun to the head or at least a family member or their pet dog being held hostage or some shit. I’m beginning to think he’s really a robot programmed by aliens from outer space to continually say stupid things in an attempt to divert our attention away from an imminent alien attack. We’re all going to wake up one morning on space ships headed for a strange planet to be food for cannibal aliens who all look like Trump (shudders).

Ok, so I’ll try and make this short…no promises. The “many sides” statement from the orange President in response to the Bring Back Slavery rally last week in Virginia is absolute bullshit. There were not many sides there were two. Evil vs. Good. Period. On one side were people who wanted to “make America great again” by taking us back to a day when certain people “knew their place” and were subservient to them. On one side were people with torches, guns and carrying symbols of hate while shouting racial, religious, and anti-LGBT slogans. On one side were Neo-Nazi’s and the KKK terrorists proudly touting their belief that minorities are less than human and should be treated accordingly. On one side were White Supremacists masquerading as members of the local historical society demanding that we respect shit like monuments to slavers who literally went to war to continue owning people. And on the other side were protest groups, opposed to all of it. But Donald Trump sees many sides. For him there is no difference between those who want to pay tribute to and honor people who attempted to overthrow the government of the United States with force and violence and those who fought against it. He sees no distinction between groups like the NAACP and the Black Lives Matter movement and those nice people with a history of hate filled oppression and violent intimidation often leading to the lynching of Black folks…and he’s proud of it.

In a typical case of false equivalency often cited by his fellow racists Trump points out the fact that Presidents Washington and Jefferson owned slaves. Of course, this is not news to anyone who has studied American history and no one I know of has ever given them a pass just because they were presidents. In fact, Jefferson was a study in contradiction as he proposed federal legislation banning slavery in the New Territories and denouncing the international slave trade while continuing to own and refusing to free his slaves. So, no passes given.  But Trump for some reason sees absolutely no difference between monuments of intimidation erected in honor of those who waged a failed treasonous effort to hold and barter human beings like cattle and those that honor the founders of our republic.

One more thing. When black people protest, the cops pull out tanks, cannons, gas, rubber bullets, bean bag shotguns, helicopters, dogs, and everything short of the Death Star Super Laser and the Imperial Star Fleet (Ok, I’m a Geek at heart, what can I say). These racist assholes showed up with body armor, rifles, clubs and brass knuckles and for some reason the police decided then would be the perfect time to hang back and maybe grab a cup of coffee. If these had been Black protesters who showed up like that, they would have had the National Guard out literally busting heads and killing folks.

The day after the election I wrote and called out the bullshit of those claiming the campaign and election of Trump was about jobs and the economy. At this point it should be pretty clear what his election and presidency are all about. On Wednesday, the day after he doubled down on his many sides statement he received congratulatory messages from David Duke of the KKK, White Nationalist, leaders of the Alt Right movement and countless openly racist right-wing radio and television personalities. These are his supporters. Racists. Xenophobes. Bigots. In his campaign, he openly and shamelessly pandered to them. This man has spent decades fueling hate, bigotry and bias so if you voted for Donald Trump and believe yourself not a racist, then your ass is at the very least a racist enabler. Oh, and one more time. If you did vote for him or didn’t vote at all because you thought “Hilary was just as bad as Trump” again, fuck you.

Anybody Seen Baretta?

So O.J. has been granted parole and I find myself unable to give a fuck. Not one. Zero, nada, none, nohl. Legally there wasn’t much of a challenge. Dumbass did his time and apparently was a model prisoner so no surprise, they let him go. Now maybe he’ll go somewhere and sit his ashy ass down. Seriously dude got away with murder double murder and then goes to jail for jacking his own shit and gets sentenced to 33 years. Did I mention it was his own shit? He deserved jail just for the sheer stupidity and for apparently forgetting he had already used his one Get Out Of Jail Free card.

Here’s the thing. O.J.’s murder trial was never about his guilt or innocence. The trial was about the guilt of America’s racist criminal justice system and I get it. I get why Black people would stand behind and support such a cause. The Dream Team was able to shift the focus in the minds of Black people from the actual crime to one of historical racial injustice thereby creating a winning strategy. Which was brilliant strategizing and for that they should be applauded. Unfortunately, the verdict did nothing for a still corrupt and racist criminal justice system…nothing. He was acquitted and ultimately the only thing it proved was that money can buy anything. Including innocence. He was never the humble innocent man victimized by a racist system which was the ticket his team sold to Black America. To be honest, there were and still are many more deserving of a Dream Team. Post acquittal he was the same arrogant, egotistical asshole he had been before. He could’ve spent his remaining days playing golf and chilling in Florida and I don’t know maybe shown some actual humility by doing something to express appreciation to a community who had rallied and stood behind him.

But he couldn’t shut up or be bothered with Black people because as he said himself, "I'm not Black, I'm O.J."  He could not stand being out of the spotlight, so every time you looked around there he was. Hanging out with various blonde White women and writing stupid books like, If I Did It. This book was essentially a confessional which detailed how he would have committed the murders...if he had done it. Because. He. Did. It. Yep, I said it and I’ve said it for years. I said it before the trial, during the trial and after the trial and I was villainized for it. But the fact is there weren’t any secret Ninjas in the dead of night folks, the LAPD did not frame him, it wasn’t his damn son or the Illuminati nor any of the other seriously ridiculous theories floated over the years. The murders were committed by Orenthal James Simpson. So just stop it. His ass is guilty…and you know it.

At any rate, writing dumb books and talking about how he was looking for the real killer while relaxing on the golf course and partying with the aforementioned blondes was like rubbing salt in the wound and it just antagonized and pissed off White people more and more. So they kept messing with him. The FBI searched his home for drugs and accused him of money laundering. DirecTV sued him for pirating broadcast signals. Really, they did and they won. Then he was arrested for speeding…on a boat. Seriously, who gets arrested for speeding on the water? If it was a speed trap where would they even hide? Dumb ass. That alone should have been his cue that they were looking for a reason any reason to lock his Black ass up. But nope he’s sitting around one night chilling and drinking with his homies and one of them says “you know what Juice, we oughta go get your shit” and…well you know the rest.

So here’s a question. When was the last time anyone heard from Robert Blake? Seriously, where the hell is Baretta. He too was questionably acquitted for the murder of his wife but you know what he did. Got the hell out of town. Fell completely off the radar and we haven’t heard from or seen him since. Unfortunately, this will not be the case for Mr. Simpson. In his mind he’s still the Juice from the 70’s flying through airports, renting cars from Avis and everyone knows and loves him. Mark my words, his attention seeking ass will return and with a blonde on each arm. They’re lined up at the prison gates right now waiting for him. 

The Russian Connection

I’m really beginning to feel like we’ve all been somehow cast in the television show, Everybody Hates Trump. (Seriously, the entire world hates this man. Check out this link, Trump Ain't Shit). Surely, this can’t be real life. I keep waiting for someone to wake me up from this sitcom nightmare and to be honest, I’m not sure if it’s a sitcom or a drama. Maybe a dramedy because it’s funny and you have to laugh at the stupidity but at the same time the stupidity is really just sad. At any rate, in case you missed this week’s show, grab yourself a bucket of popcorn and allow me to recap.

Another shoe has dropped in what has already been a pretty rainy shoe season for Trump and this whole Russia mess. According to the New York Times, over a year ago Sonny Corleone Donald Trump, Jr. met with a Russian operative who promised damaging information to be used by the Trump campaign against candidate Hillary Clinton. When the article came out last Saturday Junior immediately denied the meeting ever took place. He then retracted and said it took place but it was about Russian adoptions. So the New York Times said hold on buddy we’ve got your email exchange discussing the meeting. So before they could release them, Junior releases screenshots of the text messages because you know, he wanted to be all transparent and shit. My first thought was damn what an idiot, but then I realized he was simply trying to get in front of the New York Times who were about to release them anyway and he figured if he released them first it would look as though he had nothing to hide. Naturally Trump’s base of dolts totally bought into this bullshit and were immediately affected with Whataboutitis. What about Hillary, what about Obama, Benghazi, Obamacare, bring back coal! What a bunch of idiots. 

Actually releasing the emails would have been a nice plan except just like the New York Times article implied, the emails are full of evidence of Russian collusion. Junior says there’s no collusion because the meeting ended with no exchange of any useful information. Whatever the hell that means. Now I know some may agree with Junior’s assessment but if I broke into your house but didn’t take anything because I realized our taste in merchandise differed and opted to leave all of your gaudy furnishings behind, it would make me no less guilty. I still broke into you home…intent. And we only have Junior’s word on that whole no useful information thing. So where’s the collusion?  In the emails. The Russians stated the damaging information regarding Hillary Clinton was part of Russia’s support for candidate Trump. This is exactly what the contact said in the email to Dumbass. The Crown prosecutor of Russia met with his father Aras this morning and in their meeting offered to provide the Trump campaign with some official documents and information that would incriminate Hillary and her dealings with Russia and would be very useful to your father. This is obviously very high level and sensitive information but is part of Russia and its government's support for Mr. Trump. Seems pretty clear to me, stolen documents offered as “part of Russia and its government's support for Mr. Trump”. Junior responded with “If it’s what you say I love it.”

Last year after news broke that the DNC had been hacked and they suspected the Russians were behind it and attempting to help Trump, Junior had this to say "Well, it just goes to show you their exact moral compass. I mean they'll say anything to be able to win this. I mean, this is time and time again, lie after lie after lie." Wow. This privileged arrogant asshole has the nerve to question someone’s moral compass yet he was so desperate to get dirt on Hillary Clinton that he met with a representative of a hostile foreign government who was offering support for his father, Donald Trump by releasing stolen evidence against Hillary Clinton, his political opponent. He then had the audacity to spend the entire year claiming the media and fake news were attempting to frame his father for a nonexistent crime. He is certainly guilty of treason and at a minimum of election tampering. And he must have balls the size of an elephant.

Of course Trump Sr. says he had no knowledge of Junior’s meeting with the Russians until the New York Times story broke but check out what he had to say last year two days before the meeting took place, "I am going to give a major speech on probably Monday of next week and we're going to be discussing all of the things that have taken place with the Clintons,", "I think you're going to find it very informative and very, very interesting." I’m sure the timeline is purely coincidental. It must be noted as well that both Paul Manafort who was Trump’s campaign manager at the time and Jared Kushner Trump’s son in law also attended the meeting. A meeting Kushner failed to disclose as part of his security clearance. Twice. Wait, what now? New information in says Trump’s lawyers knew about the meeting at least three weeks ago. But yeah, control freak Trump knew nothing about it. Oh, and yesterday he blamed the entire scandal on the Obama administration...of course.

To be clear this is the stupidest administration in the history of our country but we are dealing with a group of people who have never been held accountable for their actions in their lives. The privilege and smugness and their superior attitude of being untouchable is sickening. Unfortunately, they are correct. In the end, in spite of the fact that all of this should aid in making Mueller’s job easier, nothing will happen. As usual there will be no consequences. Everyone will be righteously indignant for a few days and then the show will continue. Tune in next week to see what happens after Junior learns daddy has thrown his ass under the bus…and Fredo Eric is driving. 

Offended

I put no restrictions on who reads my writing because a) how could I? People will share as they please, this is the digital age, shit gets passed around b) someone could come across my blog online and c) why would I want to? I bring this up because recently I received an email from someone who stated they were offended by something I wrote. Now my first reaction was to think “well fuck you, I can easily remove you from the email list, why are you on there anyway, asshole.”  (I know pretty extreme, probably should talk to someone about that rage) However, I do in fact care what people think of my posts. Well to the extent that it’s relevant to what I’ve written. I share my ideas, views and opinions as entertainment but also for discussion, so why be pissed off if someone doesn’t like something I've shared. At the same time, just because you’re offended doesn’t necessarily make you right, so let’s talk about it. And to be clear what the person objected to is irrelevant and has been discussed in full by myself and the complainer uh, person who addressed the issue.

I have at times been brutally honest and emotional in my writing as I’m never ashamed of the feelings I set to words. I find it somewhat cathartic to express my feelings by putting them to paper or to be more accurate to Microsoft Word…this being the Millennium and all. Alternately, I find it dishonest and restrictive to have to consider the feelings of others when I write. When I’m putting thoughts to Word (see above), I can’t fully express myself if I have to take into account the feelings of every possible reader. I’m not saying your feelings are invalid but they are only to the extent that they don’t hinder the conversation. To be honest, based on the topics of the majority of my posts someone is bound to be offended or will choose to be, so it may be unavoidable. After all, isn’t offense a subjective term? I for one am offended by grown men in Rompers…seriously whose idea was this?

If my honesty or my opinion offends you, I apologize but I won’t stop. So when you read something I’ve written which you may find objectionable or offensive, I encourage you to discuss. We don’t have to agree in order to have a conversation. By the way, there is no shame in asking to be removed from my blog list…no one will know but you and me. And contrary to my initial reaction in the first paragraph, I promise I won’t go all Incredible Hulk on you and curse you out.

A Few Thoughts

• So I enter the locker room the other day and this guy is sitting on a bench naked as the day he was born with his feet up clipping his toe nails. I gave him this what the hell are you doing look and he says, “No, it’s ok I just showered, my feet are clean”. WTF! He actually said that. I stood there stunned as the nails continued to fly by and I felt I just had to say something. I thought I was being diplomatic but what actually came out was “Dude, that’s disgusting.” So he gives me the stink eye and I’m thinking, well hell I’m not the one creating a torrential nail storm bro, disgusting is putting it mildly.  Apparently someone else had complained because the manager showed up and made him stop but now whenever I see him gives me that I know you snitched on me look…whatever, nasty ass.

• I say Trump got it wrong. It wasn’t former President Obama who wiretapped Trump Towers. I think it was one of those detectives Trump sent to Hawaii to search for Obama’s birth certificate. I mean think about it, where the hell did they disappear to? According to him they were finding “tons and tons of evidence”. Maybe the evidence was on him. Or perhaps Steve Harvey is smarter than we thought and we owe him an apology. Really, was he left alone at any time during his visit to the tower? Wait a minute, this just in. The White House blames British Intelligence for the wiretapping then almost immediately issues an apology to them for what they called a ridiculous story. Seriously, WTF is up with this administration?

• People who refuse to see Moonlight because they believe it’s pushing the so called gay agenda are simply missing out. But I want to be sure I understand this. Are you afraid that at the end of the movie you’ll find that you somehow got touched with the gay and start looking at me funny? Is it really that easy to turn your paranoid ass out? Anybody who comes out of this movie with that mindset has clearly missed the point of the movie…which is just sad.  Really, the idea that these filmmakers set out to covert straight people to gay is beyond stupid. Trust me I’ve read it in its entirety and conversion and recruitment are not included in the gay agenda. I’ve been to the meetings and it just doesn’t come up (Note to self: Renew membership). In fact it’s considered somewhat taboo…something about there being enough competition among gay people as it is.

• If you lean when you’re texting do your messages come out in italics?

• Is a hot dog a sandwich?

• What is it with kids calling adults by their first names? We are not equals I am your senior and can still put a foot up your ass. Address me as Pop, uncle, sir, Mr. or grandpa (ok maybe not grandpa). Now quit rolling your eyes and get off my lawn.

• How is The Weekend only one person? I mean it’s made up of two days or two and a half if you Include Friday Happy Hour. Maybe he should change his name to The Tuesday or if he insist on the weekend just pick one of the days. That’s it, from now on he’s The Saturday.

• This whole getting old thing stinks. The other day I walked into the bedroom and I just stood there. I knew I had gone in there to get something but I had forgotten what it was, so I just stood there. I felt like I had to get something so I grabbed my watch. Ha, old age you will not win! So I grabbed my keys and headed for the door…now where was I going?

• Years ago I was in my boss’s office seated having a discussion. Now it’s just me and her in there when it suddenly got really funky and I knew it wasn’t me. She continued talking as if nothing had happened, as if she had not just let go of that silent atomic bomb and I’m thinking to myself, “now you do know, that I know that was your funky ass right?” I mean it’s just me and her, what was she going to do pretend it was me? Or maybe she was hoping it would quickly subside, no such luck. After about a minute or so I started tearing up, my vision got blurry and could have sworn I lost consciousness for a few seconds, so when I found I could no longer stand it (I don’t know WTF she had eaten) I excused myself and left. Needless to say I shared the moment with all of my co-workers and we had a great time about it behind her back. More importantly I learned a valuable lesson and I no longer allowed myself to be alone in confined quarters with her stealth fart bombing ass.

• After I leave the gym each morning I stop at 7-Eleven for a cup of coffee for the ride to work. There’s usually a guy out front asking for change and I whenever I see him I give him a couple of bucks. It’s become pretty routine and I’ve begun to refer to him as my guy. Through conversation I learned he’s an artist and I’ve even bought some of his work. I’ve got a painting of Ray Charles from him which I have yet to frame. One particular day I stop to get my coffee and notice he’s not there but there’s another guy. I go in to get my coffee and on the way out he ask for change. I hesitated because you know, he wasn’t my guy. He got all insulted and said, forget it I’m not gonna beg you and I’m thinking well yeah you kinda just did, but what about my guy? You’re not my guy, I can’t give you money what if my guy sees me and thinks I’m cheating on him? I can’t cheat on my guy, he’d never forgive me, he’s my guy. So I headed for my car but he was still glaring at me, judging me and I’m sure cursing me. But what could I do, he wasn’t my guy.

• So the bathroom at work has one of those sensors which controls the lights. You walk in and the light turns on automatically. The bathroom is located down a dark hallway and the door has one of those suction thingy’s at the bottom so no other light gets in. So I went in the other day and closed the door but the light didn’t come on. I didn’t panic as this has happened before. I just wave my hand and the light comes on. So I start waving and nothing happens. I get more deliberate with it, nothing. So I start spinning around waving my arms like Morris Day doing the Bird until I made myself dizzy. Now I have no lights, its pitch black and I’m disoriented. So trapped in this cube of darkness, I dizzily begin gaging the wall trying to locate the sensor switch. At this point I realize my situation and start laughing hysterically to myself. I finally locate the sensor switch and get the lights on and take care of business. I walk back to my desk and they must have heard me laughing because all of my co-workers are staring at me like I’m crazy.  One of them said, “Must have been some funny shit.” Remind me to tell you about the time I was seated when the lights went out.

Identity

This blog post contains several spoilers to the film Moonlight. Read at your own risk.

  

 I saw a movie several months ago and it’s taken me this long to write about it because every time I sit down to write I get choked up…it’s just that relatable for me. The movie is Moonlight. It’s an independent African-American film which explores the themes and struggles of masculinity within the African-American community as told through the heart of a boy who is also striving to understand his sexual identity. It’s also about the healing power of human connection and the power of adult role models good or bad to shape the lives of youth. The story is told in three acts and set in 1980’s Miami.  Each act shows the main character at a different stage of his adolescent development struggling as he navigates his way through a world filled with bullies until the final act when he becomes a man.

We first meet Little who at the age of six or seven years old doesn’t understand the constant verbal and physical attacks from his peers and simply wants to fit in. He has one friend, Kevin who will remain constant throughout the film and who tries to help him fit in. He’s also dealing with a verbally abusive mother slowly becoming addicted to crack. It’s during this period where he meets a drug dealer named Juan, who will become his defining male role model and along with his girlfriend his surrogate parents. At one point Little ask Juan, What’s a faggot? Followed with, Am I a faggot? Juan takes his time answering and explains to this boy much too young to be burdened with such questions that he can be anything and anyone he wants to be and to not let others define who he is. A simple answer but it spoke volumes to Little, as his young mind was not yet equipped to handle yet alone to deal with questions of sexual identity…and it spoke to the six-year old me.

There’s a scene in the second act where the main character Little a teenager who now goes by the name Chiron is at school and stares out a second story window waiting for the bullies below to tire of waiting for him and leave. It’s a quietly unspoken haunting scene and It reminded of the bitterness and resentment I’ve had for years for things going back to my early childhood. I too had been the victim of incessant bullying by my male peers.  I wasn’t particularly athletic, spoke with a lisp, wore glasses and being the only boy was considered soft having spent probably more time with my four sisters than I should have. To be clear, as a child you don’t have to be stereotypically gay to be bullied. All it takes is for your peer’s perception of difference or nonconformity to inspire attacks. If my family knew about the bullying they didn’t get it from me. Like the character Chiron, I kept it inside and never shared my pain with anyone. It’s also during this period in the film that he and Kevin connect in a way which has a lasting and enduring impact on Chiron.  Unfortunately, Chiron, angry at having been picked on for so long finally explodes and fights back, albeit to his own detriment and that of his friendship with Kevin.

When I left high school for college I made a conscious decision to reinvent myself. Don’t get me wrong in spite of the bullying I endured, I was popular and had many friends in school. I simply was not happy with the picked on ball of mess I felt I was inside so I decided I would become who I wanted to be. Reinvention was my way of fighting back. In the final act the character now called Black has made just such a decision for himself. He’s now living in Atlanta and through an apparent regular and I gotta say, impressive workout regimen has transformed himself into a physically imposing tough guy and now exhibits a hardened darker personality. He has also followed in the steps of his role model Juan. There’s a reconnection with Kevin and it causes him to reflect on their time together and come to a realization he shares with him which ends the film.

I was angry and at some points struggling not to cry throughout the film as I found it intensely personal regarding its themes and considerations of Black masculinity and sexual identity. I should point out that I believe masculinity to be a fluid term ultimately determined individually. I genuinely believe we're shaped, day by day, by our experiences and our decisions. Little, Chiron, Black’s struggles to find himself and where it took him was ultimately determined by his surroundings and the characters within. In the end I was left with the feeling that we all have the capacity to rise above crushing odds. Sometimes finding your identity can be a tough road…but it’s worth the toll.

All Hail King Trump

"He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it."

Martin Luther King, Jr

This whole idea that we should get together for a chorus of Kumbaya and celebrate the inauguration of Donald Trump is ridiculous and insulting. Yeah I’m talking to you Stepin Fetchit Steve Harvey. That was a wasted meeting especially when you come out of it and say we just talked about golf and he’s a nice guy…fuck you! And shame on you Martin Luther King III for shuffling up to Massa’s big house after he insulted and attempted to vilify one of your father’s last disciples. People are mad over the election results and rightly so. For those who say we should wait and see what Trump does, he’s already shown us. He has promised to change things for the average person yet he fills his cabinet with a bunch of ethics challenged billionaires and white privilege entitled racists. Seriously, Jeff Sessions for Attorney General? How more obvious of his intentions can this man be.  He has vilified our national security agencies, fraternized with evil dictators (show those tax returns buddy and prove me wrong) and threatened the nation’s relationships with our international allies. All before he was even sworn in. Give him a chance my ass, would you give Satan a chance? I say we give him the same chance he gave President Obama with all that birtherism bullshit.

One more thing, don’t tell me I should respect the office of the presidency when President Obama was disrespected from day one. They shut down the government, refused to legislate, solicited foreign leaders to oppose him and stalled and struck down Obama's executive actions and even took him to court to fight them. Trump made hateful, racist misogynistic comments all during his campaign and now I’m expected to suddenly find respect for him? I don’t think so. I say we give him the same kind of respect that he showed for women, the disabled, Mexicans, Muslims, Gold Star families, African Americans, his fellow presidential candidates during his campaign, and his opponent.