Evolution

I sat down to write today and because this subject is so close to my heart, twice I was so overcome with emotion that I had to get up and walk away. I want to first say that unless you are a gay person you will never ever know what it feels like to be gay. I don’t care how many gay friends, siblings, cousins or even parents you have. I don’t care if you consider yourself accepting of gay people, sympathize with gay people or even fight for gay rights. YOU WILL NEVER EVER KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE GAY.

Yesterday President Obama announced that his evolution is complete and he now believes that gay couples should be allowed to marry and should be afforded the same rights as straight couples. Ignoring the fact that I believe the President always felt this way but because of political concerns he could not state it, this was a welcome announcement. If nothing else it should spark a debate among African-Americans regarding the inclusion of gays in civil rights issues. And don’t tell me gay rights are not the same as civil rights. Anytime one person gets treated better than another person, it's an issue of civil rights. Bigotry is still bigotry, whether it's racial or sexual preference, it’s just that simple. More importantly the President’s statement brings the issue of gay marriage front & center in our community. Last summer I was included when the pastor of my church met with 10 gay men to discuss the inclusion and acknowledgment of gays in our church. It was an informative and inspiring meeting and I was able to see my pastor in a different light. I was encouraged by his rhetoric and his non-judgmental and accepting attitude. But the thing that struck me most was his statement regarding gay marriage. He said “When gay marriage becomes legal in California, parishioners may begin to realize that just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you’re not spiritual as well.” Wow! “When gay marriage becomes legal” not if…so encouraging.

Unfortunately not all church clergy are as forward thinking as my pastor and I’m sure there will be a backlash for the President which must be addressed and this is where it gets personal for me. The fact is religion has absolutely no place in the discussion on same sex marriage. (Let that simmer for a minute) You are legally married ONLY when you possess a valid marriage license from the government. You can have a dozen weddings in a dozen churches and you still won't be legally married until the GOVERNMENT says you are. The government is in the marriage business, religion is only in the wedding business in fact you can get married without ever stepping into a house of worship. Only the government can grant, enforce or dissolve marriages. When a couple is wed in a house of worship the officiate may be performing a religious rite but as far as the law is concerned, that officiate has been authorized to perform a civil function, plain and simple. And even were same-sex marriage to be legalized by the state, no one would be holding a gun to the heads of the clergy to require them to perform a ceremony that their faith or personal creed does not condone. Just as some rabbis would not perform marriage to a man or woman who wasn’t Jewish, clergy can decline performing same-sex marriages. Gay couples can either find clergy willing to officiate or can be wed in a civil setting.

The idea that conservative and religious leaders are continuing to shape state and federal law based on religious beliefs is just wrong. I don’t care what your personal beliefs are regarding gay people, the institution of marriage should be available to all. The concept of having a life-long partner and not be able to make decisions for them in a hospital, not share in insurance benefits, not automatically have parental rights unless you are the birth parent and not be allowed to claim them as a dependent for tax purposes or partake in the more than 1,049 federal rights, benefits and privileges provided for married couples is just flat-out wrong. I’m sick of it and I’m sick of the one sided discussion in our Black churches and how homosexuality is singled out as a sin from the bible. If we followed the letter of the bible as a whole we would still have slaves and slave owners would be able to procreate with their slaves as Abraham, a polygamist, did in Genesis. The idea of focusing on the letter of the text rather than the spirit intended has got to stop. Wouldn’t it be great if instead we focused on the major themes of love, justice, freedom, equality and inclusion that run throughout the Bible? Unfortunately, until the practice of worshiping the Bible rather than worshiping God is abandoned we will not move forward.

It is my hope that the African-American community will become as evolved as our President and again I am encouraged by the attitude of my pastor and hopefully he will be able to influence his fellow clergymen but the discussion needs to begin now. People have got to get away from thinking of homosexuality in terms of the sexual act. Straight people generally seem to think that if a person is gay, sex is the only thing on his or her mind an idea influenced and reinforced by negative stereotypes in entertainment and the media. I truly believe the day will come when people will look back at these times in amazement at how ridiculously and petty we lived our lives and the silly things we found objectionable.