Just Say No

National Coming Out Day is this coming Sunday so I might as well go on and admit it. So here goes. I watch Reality TV. Whew, that took a lot but I feel better. Yes I watch Reality TV and although I must admit that I prefer the competition shows more like The Amazing Race and Top Chef I’ve been known to indulge in some shows based on the lives of Stars or Pre-fabricated Stars. Which brings me to Frankie and Neffe. OH…MY…GOD! What can I say? In the past I have berated my family and friends for watching shows like The Flava of Love and I Love New York so just admitting that I was even aware of this train wreck is a true coming out. My problem with these shows is that there is no balance. They promote negative stereotypes without including any positive role models. I’m all for laughing at ourselves but when others watch these shows we have to ask, “are they laughing with us or at us?” Why should we care? Because these people take this negativity with them and it shapes their employment practices, public policies and opinions. That being said, have you seen this show? Let me bring you up to date.

Frankie and Neffe are respectively the mother and sister of R&B singer Keyshia Cole and originally appeared on her TV show, The Way It Is. The first time we see Neffe, she and friends come from Oakland to Atlanta for a visit with Keyshia. Neffe spends the entire episode drunk loudly cursing people out in grocery stores, clothing stores and wherever she saw fit. At this point she is the mother of three girls and separated from her husband who is currently dating one of her cousins. We meet Frankie as Keyshia visits her at a state prison facility in California where she is serving time for some drug related offense. We also learn that she has been a crack addict for over 20 years and gave all of her seven or eight (I can’t remember) kids up for adoption, including Keyshia & Neffe. Frankie is eventually released from jail and she and Neffe along with Neffe’s kids join Keyshia permanently in Atlanta. For two seasons the two of them sponge off of Keyshia, Neffe cries, buffoonery ensues, Neffe cries, they meet some of the kids Frankie gave up for adoption, Frankie complains and wants to know why everyone blames her for everything, Neffe has another baby and oh yeah she cries.

Move ahead a few seasons and Frankie and Neffe have their own show. Now I must admit I missed the first few episodes because I was being high minded and refused to continue to watch this trash. But curiosity won out and I gave in a couple of weeks ago. Both Frankie and Neffe now have their own places, paid for by Keyshia, where these grown ass women are exerting their independence and just learning to become responsible adults for the first time in their lives. Some how Neffe and one of Frankie’s “found kids” have become best friends. Neffe calls her Sister and I’m not sure if it’s because she doesn’t know her name, doesn’t like it or thought this would be an endearing way of addressing her. Because they look so much alike, Neffe is convinced they have the same father a fact Frankie is unable to verify. So they schedule a DNA test. Oh yeah, even though she has been pregnant four times already and is on absolutely no form of birth control, Neffe is surprised to learn she is pregnant yet again (she cries). This time by her deadbeat, leeching, wanna be 36 year-old rapper boy friend who upon learning she is pregnant suddenly finds God and is appalled by the idea of an abortion even though he already has numerous kids he’s not raising. Frankie’s 50 something year-old ass is running around with boys 30 years younger than her in an embarrassing and pathetic bid to recapture her youth. She shows up at the DNA paternity test loud, belligerent and from what I can tell on something. She at first denies the two sisters have the same father and then says she doesn’t know and ask, “Why can’t they just let go of the past?” and “why does everyone blame her for everything?”

Now it may be true that every family has a Frankie and Neffe but it’s also true that we don’t talk about them to others and we certainly don’t want them televised nationally. Remember that rule your grandmother taught you about not airing dirty laundry? So what is Keyshia Cole’s motivation? Can you say Executive Producer? BET’s excuse is that they are “portraying a show about growth of its characters”. Really. The only thing I see growing on Neffe is her belly from her five pregnancies and as for, Frankie she continually refuses to accept blame for her mistakes, which prevents both her and Neffe from moving on with their lives. What appears to be growing with these two, as with most wanna be celebrity reality stars is their egos and the value they place on their self-importance. Seriously, these people at BET, VH1, Bravo and the rest have got to be stopped with these programs that portray Black folks as illiterate, money hungry, sex-driven caricatures of a reality based on what White people think of us and we have got to stop watching them. I mean what’s next a show based on the hilarious misadventures of the incoherent wives of T.I and Lil’ Wayne?…Oh wait.