There’s
a new drug crisis storming the country folks and it’s affecting White people in
horrific numbers. One hundred times more lethal and believed to be more
addictive than any opioid. Yes, people I’m talking about Ambien. Beware, it’s out there and it’s making White people racist.
I know it sounds crazy, but it’s true. Apparently, this drug affects your views
and thoughts and turns unsuspecting formally rational people into raving alt-right
lunatics. Just ask Roseanne Barr, famed comedienne, renowned conspiracy nut
ball theorist and overt islamophobe who last week tweeted “if the muslim brotherhood & planet of
the apes had a baby=v.j.” V.J. refers to Valerie Jarett, former Senior
Advisor to President Barack Obama. Valerie Jarett is an African-American woman. Ms. Barr later apologized
and stated the effects of the drug Ambien
were the cause of her crazy racist midnight tweet. Finally, clarification! Big
Pharma strikes again, I feel so much better. This explains her involvement in
the ridiculously bogus birther movement
attack against President Obama and her previous racists tweets including the
one where she said of President Obama’s National
Security Advisor, “Susan Rice is a
man with big swinging ape balls”. Again, for clarification, Susan Rice
is
an African-American woman.
To
further prove my point, I reached out to the world renowned and respected Institute of Racist Assholology who
helped me to compile a quick list of obvious Ambienheads which we’ve tragically misdiagnosed throughout the
years. (Editor’s note: Included in this list
are some self-hating African-Americans Coons)
- Bill O’Reilly – Chief among his many racist
pronouncements was the time he went to Sylvia’s
Restaurant in Harlem. This man was vocally amazed at the predominately
African-American clientele who for some reason surprised him with their
civility. He said, "I couldn't
get over the fact that there was no difference between Sylvia's restaurant
and any other restaurant in New York City. I mean, it was exactly the
same, even though it's run by blacks, primarily black patronship."
The rotund ignorant racist then added, "there
wasn't one person in Sylvia's who was screaming, 'M-Fer, I want more iced
tea.' it was like going into an Italian restaurant in an all-white suburb
in the sense of people were sitting there, and they were ordering and
having fun. And there wasn't any kind of craziness at all." So,
he expected to go to an African-American run restaurant and find what
exactly? Watermelon eating, knife welding Negroids dancing on tables and behaving like animals? Come on,
that kind of irrational thought and reasoning has got to be drugs. Right?
- Paula Deen – This woman, who made a career out of
ripping off Black people’s cooking recipes once had her employees dress up
as slaves for a Civil War themed wedding she catered. She admitted in a
lawsuit deposition to the occasional
use of the word Nigger…but only
to those deserving it. At the
time she blamed it on her age saying she grew up in a different era, as if
at some point in history racism was acceptable and she just forgot where
she was. Fortunately, we now know it wasn’t her age. Poor woman, she was simply
another victim of sleep deprivation in need of a hit.
- Ben Carson – This one is too easy, and we should
have seen it long ago. Ben Carson is an obvious Ambien junkie. This man has kissed so much White ass his lips
are permanently chapped. He should serve as a cautionary tale for those
who may be considering Ambien as
a drug of choice.
- BBQ Becky – This crazy
ass White woman called the BBQ Police on an African-American family who
were minding their own damn business grilling and chilling at Lake Merritt
in Oakland. She felt duty bound to report them because they had the nerve
to use charcoal and it offended her racist environmental senses. I’m
pretty sure if they had simply offered her fat Birkenstock wearing ass a burger she would have calmed down. Apparently,
another side effect of this terrible drug is White tears because when the
police showed up she cried like a baby and naturally, claimed she was the
victim.
- Sheriff Joe Arpaio – I don’t know how I missed
this one. The signs were all there.
Blatant disregard for the law as it pertains to people of color. Specifically,
Latino people. This man forced women to give birth in shackles, refused to
investigate child sex crimes involving undocumented people and operated a
concentration camp disguised as a jail. I guess I was so blinded by his
obvious racism, inhumanity and blatant hatred I couldn’t see him for the
poor sad junkie he was…I blame myself.
- 53% of White women who voted for Trump – If you
know a Becky who voted for Trump, I think it’s time to cut her some slack.
It’s not her fault. This drug apparently causes irrational thinking.
Seriously, how else do you explain the fact that the same percentage of
White women voted for Roy Moore an accused serial pedophile so heinous he
was banned from an entire mall. See, all this time I simply assumed it was
an attempt by White women to maintain dominance and privilege but now I
see. It must be that demon pink pill.
- Stacy Dash – Although technically not a racist,
she’s a racist enabler and an asshole so it didn’t seem fair to leave her
off the list (and I really hate the bitch, so there’s that). If Ben Carson
is the cautionary tale then Stacy Dash should be the poster child for the dangers
of Ambien abuse.
- Donald Trump – Um, yeah, I’m gonna just leave
this one out here.
As
I said, this is a quick short list and though I could go on, why torture these
poor victims. The truth is, we owe them all an apology. They can’t help
themselves folks. It’s that damn insomnia. Pray that they get the treatment
they need.
