This blog post contains several spoilers to
the film Moonlight. Read at your own risk.
I saw a movie several months ago and it’s
taken me this long to write about it because every time I sit down to write I
get choked up…it’s just that relatable for me. The movie is Moonlight. It’s an independent African-American
film which explores the themes and struggles of masculinity within the
African-American community as told through the heart of a boy who is also
striving to understand his sexual identity. It’s also about the healing power
of human connection and the power of adult role models good or bad to shape the
lives of youth. The story is told in three acts and set in 1980’s Miami. Each act shows the main character at a
different stage of his adolescent development struggling as he navigates his
way through a world filled with bullies until the final act when he becomes a
man.
We first
meet Little who at the age of six or
seven years old doesn’t understand the constant verbal and physical attacks
from his peers and simply wants to fit in. He has one friend, Kevin who will
remain constant throughout the film and who tries to help him fit in. He’s also
dealing with a verbally abusive mother slowly becoming addicted to crack. It’s
during this period where he meets a drug dealer named Juan, who will become his
defining male role model and along with his girlfriend his surrogate parents. At
one point Little ask Juan, What’s a
faggot? Followed with, Am I a faggot?
Juan takes his time answering and explains to this boy much too young to be burdened
with such questions that he can be anything and anyone he wants to be and to
not let others define who he is. A simple answer but it spoke volumes to Little,
as his young mind was not yet equipped to handle yet alone to deal with
questions of sexual identity…and it spoke to the six-year old me.
There’s a
scene in the second act where the main character Little a teenager who now goes
by the name Chiron is at school and
stares out a second story window waiting for the bullies below to tire of
waiting for him and leave. It’s a quietly unspoken haunting scene and It reminded
of the bitterness and resentment I’ve had for years for things going back to my
early childhood. I too had been the victim of incessant bullying by my male
peers. I wasn’t particularly athletic, spoke
with a lisp, wore glasses and being the only boy was considered soft having spent probably more time
with my four sisters than I should have. To be clear, as a child you don’t have
to be stereotypically gay to be bullied. All it takes is for your peer’s
perception of difference or nonconformity to inspire attacks. If my family knew
about the bullying they didn’t get it from me. Like the character Chiron, I kept
it inside and never shared my pain with anyone. It’s also during this period in
the film that he and Kevin connect in a way which has a lasting and enduring impact
on Chiron. Unfortunately, Chiron, angry
at having been picked on for so long finally explodes and fights back, albeit
to his own detriment and that of his friendship with Kevin.
When I left
high school for college I made a conscious decision to reinvent myself. Don’t
get me wrong in spite of the bullying I endured, I was popular and had many
friends in school. I simply was not happy with the picked on ball of mess I
felt I was inside so I decided I would become who I wanted to be. Reinvention
was my way of fighting back. In the final act the character now called Black has made just such a decision for
himself. He’s now living in Atlanta and through an apparent regular and I gotta
say, impressive workout regimen has transformed himself into a physically imposing
tough guy and now exhibits a hardened darker personality. He has also followed in
the steps of his role model Juan. There’s a reconnection with Kevin and it
causes him to reflect on their time together and come to a realization he shares
with him which ends the film.
I was angry
and at some points struggling not to cry throughout the film as I found it
intensely personal regarding its themes and considerations of Black masculinity
and sexual identity. I should point out that I believe masculinity to be a
fluid term ultimately determined individually. I genuinely believe we're
shaped, day by day, by our experiences and our decisions. Little, Chiron,
Black’s struggles to find himself and where it took him was ultimately determined
by his surroundings and the characters within. In the end I was left with the
feeling that we all have the capacity to rise above crushing odds. Sometimes
finding your identity can be a tough road…but it’s worth the toll.
