Duck Tales

I need to first state that I have never watched Duck Dynasty and in fact have no intention of ever watching it. Also, I firmly believe a book should not be judged by its cover but after seeing the promo pics for this show and what the cast looks like my question is why aren’t people more surprised that these folks have been on the air for as long as they have without blurting out the “n” word. So the patriarch of this show about duck hunters living like the Beverly Hillbillies from the fortune they’ve created by selling “Duck Calls” (Ooh, Must See TV) was quoted in an article for GQ Magazine…wait, GQ? Again have ya seen the promo pics? What the hell was GQ thinking or are have their subscriptions levels sunk so low that they’re willing to interview celebrity hillbilly fowl hit men. Anyway, this mallard patriarch, wanna be preacher, Phil Robertson was asked to define sin by a GQ interviewer. Here’s what he said “Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there, bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and those men. Sin is sin, and they are no different from people who engage in bestiality or terrorists. But I do not judge them, that is up to God." Ok, let me just say this, we really need to stop pretending that religion is an excuse to be distasteful, vulgar, and offensive. It is both distasteful and vulgar to compare homosexuality to having sex with animals, it is offensive to compare homosexuality to terrorist who kill and maim innocent people. As far as this cherry-picking Bible thumpers claim of not judging, TMZ just posted a video of a sermon Mr. Robertson gave in 2010 at a Pennsylvania church where he calls gay people "shameful, perverse, heartless, faithless, senseless God-haters that are destined for the burning pits of hell." Nope no judgment, none at all.

In the same article this scholar of joyous religiosity was asked for his views on race. He alleges he "never" saw black people mistreated during the pre-civil rights era in his home state of Louisiana and contends that African-Americans were more content under Jim Crow…yep, he said that. Specifically he said "Where we lived was all farmers. The blacks worked for the farmers. I hoed cotton with them. I'm with the blacks, because we're white trash," because you know there has to be an explanation for him hanging out with the Blacks. Then he said “They're singing and happy. I never heard one of them, one black person, say, ‘I tell you what: These doggone white people’—not a word! Pre-entitlement, pre-welfare. You say, were they happy? They were godly, they were happy, no one was singing the blues.”…I don’t even know where to begin. So in his white trash world, (his words not mine) African-Americans were treated fairly and equally, there were no lynchings, everyone had the right to vote and we all lived in one big beautiful separate but equal world. There we were, African-Americans singing and dancing a jig in the field enjoying that smoldering hot Louisiana sun, not a care in the world and what do you know, along came that pesky Civil Rights movement which ruined all those good times with their unfounded demands for fairness and racial equality. Boy, if more people like Phil Robertson had simply spoken up we may have been spared the likes of Dr. Martin Luther King and his gang of radicals messing up that good thing we had going…seriously, this man is a complete idiot. From where does he think the blues were bred? This is exactly the type of racist person Oprah spoke of when she said "There are still generations of people, older people, who were born and bred and marinated in it, in that prejudice and racism, and they just have to die".

Of course as soon as the A&E network suspended his ass the Right Wing First Amendment Right nuts showed up with claims of his rights being trampled. Note to conservatives: "Free speech" does not mean "free from all response or criticism." THIS IS NOT A FREE SPEECH ISSUE! Free Speech does not mean free from the repercussions of employers or the general Public. The First Amendment protects a person's speech from GOVERNMENT suppression only. Free speech is about whether the government can restrict your speech, not your right to say stupid shit on TV. This man can continue to promote the biblical values of hating a group based on archaic philosophies till the cows come home but he should know that with free speech come consequences. If you make ridiculous ignorant statements denying the degradation of Jim Crow laws and forced segregation and instead envision Black people laboring in the fields dancing and singing, you’re going to be called on it. And for all those Republican politicians who were quick to come to his defense in fact stating they stand behind him and his values, Ted Cruz, Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich and Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal thanks once again for the minority reach out.

A White Christmas

I’ve been a little busy lately and haven’t had a chance to write but that hasn’t stopped the always entertaining nonsensical world of bigoted conservatives from turning. In the spirit of the Christmas season right wing staple and the always “fair & balanced” FOX News in an apparent effort to continue the Republican Minority Outreach Program has declared to kids that both Santa Claus and Jesus Christ were “most definitely White”. This despite what those in what they constantly refer to as “the liberal media” may have them believe. Megyn Kelly a Fox News reporter was addressing an article written by Aisha Harris for Slate.com who wrote “just maybe Santa Claus doesn't have to be white all the time and maybe can be all things to all people. This apparently pissed Ms. Kelly off as with all the whiteness she could muster she went on a tirade declaring “for all you kids watching at home, Santa just is white. But this person may be just arguing that we should also have a black Santa. But, you know, Santa is what he is.” She argued that the origins of Santa Claus relate to St. Nicholas who she described as a White European 4th-Century Christian saint and told Ms. Harris that “Just because it makes you feel uncomfortable doesn't mean it has to change." Wow. Now putting aside the ridiculousness of the idea of arguing about one man with eight flying reindeer, one with a glowing red nose no less, delivering presents in one night to everybody on the planet, let’s just check the facts of the origins of the character.

While it is true that there was a St. Nicholas, he is far and removed from what we see as Santa Claus today. The real St. Nicholas, who the myth of Santa Claus is based on, was born in ancient Greece in a conquered territory which is now present day Turkey, and would likely have been a lot more brown or olive skinned than today's version. He certainly would not have been blue-eyed, lily white and rosy cheeked. So if Fox News and Ms. Kelly are arguing historical accuracy they have sorely failed. Anglo-Saxon Europeans took this Saint and incorporated pagan European beliefs and reimagined him to suit their own needs. As with most things, White America pounced on another opportunity to rewrite history (seriously Elizabeth Taylor as Cleopatra?) and capitalize on the myth, resulting in Santa as we in America know him today. A version of Santa by the way that has only existed in his current incarnation since the early to mid-1900's. What Megyn Kelly and Fox News are missing in their goal to stroke their old, white audience seeing all things through their limited scope of the world, is that there is no one true definition of the character of Santa Claus. Each country has their own definition of Santa Claus and each celebrates that character in drastically different ways. Brazil has Papai Noel, Portugal has Pai Natal, Italy Babbo Natale and other than the standard red suit and white beard, none of them resemble the version concocted by America’s Madison Avenue to sell toys. So, considering this amount of variation alone, there is likely an African Santa Claus that fits their countries regions and traditions. Santa Claus isn't a character that needs to be defined in a one size fits all kind of way. He can represent each country and their traditions and has already done so for hundreds of years in certain cases so why couldn’t he as Ms. Harris wrote, “be all things to all people”.

Unfortunately, Ms. Kelly didn’t limit her tirade with her version of the jolly old elf. Nope she felt the need to go one step further declaring to the kids who for some reason may have been tuned in to her 11 PM newscast instead of having their little asses in bed, “You know, Jesus was a white man, too!” Again, Wow! Seriously, she went on to state that it’s a “verifiable fact” that Jesus was white. Ok, I’m not gonna spend a whole lot of time on this one. Let me just say this, I know it may be hard for the Fox News team to relate to anything non-white but Jesus of Nazareth was most certainly dark skinned. He was born in Galileo which is modern day Palestine. Jesus of Nazareth was not white-skinned, he was not European, he was a Jew who lived in the land of Israel, IN THE MIDDLE EAST! There weren’t a whole lot of lily white people hanging around chilling out in the area at the time, so I’m willing to bet that he looked a lot more like me and less like the version you may have hanging on your wall depicting him as a pale blue-eyed, Abercrombie Fitch model with long flowing hair. And even if he wasn’t as black as Wesley Snipes you can be sure that if he were around today Fox News would have him on a terrorist watch list or worse yet label him a Marxist left wing liberal hippie and he would most certainly be “stopped and frisked” by the NYPD... seriously, hair like wool and feet which shone like bronze? C’mon Megyn.