Choke Hold

I was a big fan of the Dave Chappelle Show when it originally aired on Comedy Central. His humor was often topical and usually spot-on. There were quite a few sketches which became instant classics, “I’m Rick James Bitch!” I remember one sketch in particular involving the comedian Wayne Brady. For quite a few years Wayne Brady had been the poster child for sell-out, Uncle Tom, white ass kissing Black folk. This dude was considered so white-washed he was once called the whitest Black man in America. In a hilarious effort to combat this image Wayne Brady appeared on the show as himself and pretty much kidnapped Dave Chappelle taking him for a terrifying car ride. With Dave as the passenger, he performed a drive-by shooting, broke a cops neck and forced Dave to smoke a crack pipe telling him, “this is not an option nigga, if you not smoking we have a problem.” Finally with Dave Chappelle literally shaking with fear they stopped so Wayne Brady could collect money from one of his Hoes who came up short resulting in what has become an infamous line. In a clam, direct and chilling voiced he asked “Now is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?”…in a hilarious aside Dave Chappelle screamed to her from the passenger’s side “Run bitch, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, GET SOME HELP!”

Well apparently here on my job some people think I’m Wayne Brady. It’s not that I present the white-washed Uncle Tom image but I am the sole black bean in a sea of brown and white rice and I stand out. I don’t speak Spanish and there have been many instances where I have no idea what conversations are going on around me or if in fact I may be the topic of derogatory discussions. I mean why else start a conversation in English and switch to Spanish mid conversation…just saying. So far I’ve given them professional, educated confident Black man. I don’t make waves but nobody runs over me either. However, apparently there are those who perceive my non-confrontational attitude as a Wayne Brady weakness. Currently I chair a committee which is working to update and streamline business procedures and processes for the company. Included on the committee are several supervisors who report to me either directly or indirectly. One in particular, a Latino man, seems to have a problem with me being his supervisor. He clearly believes he’s smarter than me and that I should in fact be his subordinate. We’ve had several minor run-ins and up until now I’ve pretty much written them off as him just having a bad attitude but this week he crossed the line. He sent an email to my boss complaining that the committee was ineffectual and a waste of time.  He also critiqued other areas of my work and pretty much made a bid for my job implying indirectly that he could do a better job. Now I don’t know what type of response he expected from my boss or if he thought he would be in his corner but what he didn’t know is we had already been in discussion about this guy’s behavior and job performance and my boss had suggested placing him on probation in preparation for termination.

So my boss receives the email forwards a copy to me and calls me to discuss. I won’t go into the details but he pretty much told me to handle the situation as I saw fit. This guy is universally disliked within the company and nobody would be sorry to see his ass leave.  I called him in and told him I was placing him on probation for insubordination and he was not happy about it. I attempted to remain calm as I detailed his rebellious, undermining attitude.  When I finished he says to me with a thick angry Spanish accent “That’s just jor opinion” so I told him, “Well in this case my opinion is the one that counts and in my opinion your arrogance is negatively affecting your job performance and if you keep heading down this road you’ll find yourself pounding pavement seeking employment elsewhere.” He mumbled something in Spanish under his breath so I told him if there was something he wanted to say he should do so in English to which he replied, “It’s not my fault joo don’t speak Spanish”…really, he said that. Remarkably I maintained my cool and I told him that English is not a second language at our company and if he insisted on addressing me in Spanish rather than English it would place a barrier on our working relationship and my ability to communicate with him, which could lead to termination. He had nothing else to say, in either English or Spanish. I had him sign the probation form and sent him on his way. Now I have no doubt that this guy is going to make it easy for me to terminate him just based on his attitude alone.  He’s got 90 days to screw up and I’m sure he will but I’m not sure how much longer I can maintain this calm demeanor. So I gotta ask a question, is Warren Barber gonna have to choke a bitch?