A Ride Or Die Chick

Just one question, is George Zimmerman the stupidest criminal ever? Really, he should be on that TV show The Worlds Dumbest Criminals. What kind of an idiot has incriminating conversations on a jailhouse phone with their spouse? I don’t know if you’ve heard but there are taped conversations of this boob and his wife implicating themselves as perjurers. You don’t need a degree in Prisonology to know that the man is always listening Georgie. Yet there they were all plan hatching, gangsterish and sneaky acting, like they were the only ones in the room. Come on man have you never seen The Untouchables? Just in case you haven’t had time to catch up on their conversations, let me quickly summarize.

Using brilliant unbreakable code obviously inspired by Daffy Duck’s Escape from Alcatraz, Tricky McShifty Pants tells his wife how to transfer money from the pay pal account set up on line for his defense fund into her personal account. Of course no one would be able to break their methodical code and ascertain that $100 was actually code for $100,000 or that $8 was $8,000…brilliant I tell ya BRILLIANT! She tells him all their personal bills have been paid from the funds including Sam’s Club & Wal-Mart (classy) and they are debt free…woo hoo! She says she was even able to pay off her school debts. Zimmerman instructs her to buy bullet proof vests for them for his release…wait that’s actually a good idea considering all those he’s pissed off. P-Zimmy and his ride or die chick then discuss whether they should rent one or two window tinted  SUV’s once he’s released from jail, cause they got all this money and are like you know, ballin’. He laughs that it really doesn’t matter as he has his hoodie as camouflage, and I have to stop for a minute because that is really so offensive. This man has obviously read all the news reports and knows of the protests and the symbolic value of the hoodie Trayvon Martin wore the night of his death, yet he makes tasteless jokes about it. Even in what they perceived as a private conversation, that’s just disgusting. Anyway, she next brags to him of how their website is raising so much money the site keeps crashing.

So what’s wrong with any of this you say and where does the perjury come into play? What’s the big deal, who cares if she wants to play Lil’ Kim to his Biggie Smalls, a dime store gangster moll to his Al Capone. Well a couple of days later Shady Lady Zimmerman stood in front of a judge for her husband’s bail hearing and told him that they had no money, destitute, penniless, living on borrowed time, broke ass broke. She said she had no idea how much money had been raised in his defense fund and was fearful they would not be able to pay their bills. She boo-hooed and blubbered about how they had limited funds because she was in school full time and Zimmerman wasn’t working, which actually explains why he had so much time for neighborhood stalking and murdering. When the judge recently learned of the balance of the defense fund and heard the tapes of the conversations, faster than you can say liar, liar pants on fire, he revoked Zimmerman’s get out of jail free card (because really a $150,000 bond for murder is kind of free) and sent both their asses to the pokey…I assume they allowed time to extinguish her pants. You should see her what the f*** just happened mug shot, the woman looks like an ugly crier to me. You know the kind of person who cries and their face becomes distorted like they just got hit with an ugly stick. Seriously, neither of these two people is attractive. They look like they were spawned from the same alien egg. I’m not so sure they should be procreating.

So what’s the moral of our story folks? Zimmerman is now a proven liar and a thief and what little if any credibility he had has now been compromised. He took the money his supporters donated spent it and he and his wife lied about it. But I'm sure he would never lie about what happened on the night in question just to make it look like he was defending his life, now would he. Anybody want to contribute to his wife’s defense fund?

Wait A Minute, This Ain’t The Ritz

Conrad Murray, you remember him Michael Jackson's killer, anyway he claims life in jail is not the bowl of cherries he was promised. He’s pleading to be released from Los Angeles County jail claiming he is only getting fresh air once a month and a new change of underwear once a week to which I say, who the hell gave him underwear. He says he’s only seen the sunshine once in the last four weeks which, is still double that of Michael Jackson and that he finds the food disagreeable. Seriously, where did he think he was going for four years, an all-inclusive 5-Star Club Med resort? The arrogance of this man, he’s doing time for murder yet feels he’s entitled to maid and laundry service. I’m surprised he didn’t request a manicure and a facial. Los Angeles county jail officials say his activities are restricted because "We're afraid somebody's going to pop him"…no shit. He’s asked to be transferred from county lock-up to a state prison facility. This man obviously does not reside in the same world as the rest of us. I guess on his planet state prison affords a safer environment and is more welcoming to his needs and desires than a county facility? Idiot.

Mr. Murray also says his time behind bars is taking a physical toll on his body. Sounds like the perfect time to develop a workout plan and tone up that prison physique to me. Lift some weights buddy, do some damn sit-ups, jog in place, how about some jumping jacks. Did he not go through the President’s Physical Fitness Plan in elementary school like the rest of us? The man had the nerve to tell his attorney "I may not make it out of here alive. This is a very dangerous place. I'm in here dying. The system is intent on killing me."…I can’t even think of anything funnier to add to that one, it stands on its own. Ironically he says he’s having trouble sleeping and has developed headaches which he fears may be sign of a brain tumor. How about we get him something strong in the form of anesthesia to help him sleep. Something like, oh I don’t know maybe propofol? And I’m not so sure he should be self-diagnosing, didn’t work out so well for his last patient. But I’m not surprised, he gave himself the title of Anesthesiologist to treat Michael Jackson, why not make himself a Neurologist as well. Really, my head hurts, I need new undies, I got a hangnail, oh boo hoo you’re in jail fool quit whining, you’re lucky your ass don’t hurt.

Seriously though, Murray refused to call 911 when Michael Jackson lay dying in his bed until it was too late and instead performed fake ass CPR on him. He was responsible for the death of this man and as of this date has shown absolutely no remorse. This narcissist is desperate to stay in the spotlight and hold on to his 15 minutes of fame and California law does not allow you to profit from your crimes so he can’t write that bestseller. So what does he do instead? He’s complaining that he’s not getting proper medical treatment and if he doesn’t get help quickly he could die as a result. Really Mr. Murray? Sounds kind of familiar…Karma’s a bitch ain’t it.