An Uncomfortable Truth

The problems with acceptance of homosexuality in the African-American community are rooted in the Black church but most definitely are fueled by the media’s portrayal of gay men on TV and film. The recent spate of gay teen suicides promoted by bullying is a direct result of these portrayals. As a great number of these teens have been African-American this problem must be addressed by our community. Gay men are portrayed as weak, effeminate, sex crazed, man hungry predators who will steal your man from you. Just ask Oprah Winfrey who as recently as last week continues to sensationalize and promote hysteria through inaccuracies of the “Down Low” syndrome where secretive self-loathing African-American gay men are said to prey and spread disease to unsuspecting heterosexual African-American women. These shows do nothing to forward the conversation or accurately report the facts or even speak to the pressure of trying to fit into the norm of a heterosexual relationship brought on by religious condemnation and societal hatred. They ignore the fact that our culture of masculinity practically demands these men deny who they truly are for fear of rejection and isolation which leads to the down low in the first place. Shows like Oprah Winfrey’s only add to the demonization of gay men in our culture. A demonization passed on to our youth who bully and torment those they are taught to perceive as weak and different.

Spoiler alert. A diverse gay culture exists just like that of any ethnic culture. It’s not all Will & Grace and Rupaul’s Drag Race. There are masculine gay men, feminine queens, androgynous men & women, butch women, lipstick lesbians, cross dressers and those transitioning from men to women or vice versa. There are high, middle and low income gay people. Some are educators, white collar and blue collar workers and you more than likely work with a gay person everyday and may not know it. But isn’t that how it should be? Not all gay people are artistic fashion mavens and get this, just like there are some Black people who are ashamed or even horrified that the ‘Flava Flav’s of the world and his girl Miss “New York” exist there are those in the gay community who are just as appalled by the flamboyant overtly feminine men found on shows like the Real Housewives of Atlanta or the degrading minstrel gay images found in Tyler Perry films. These people do not represent the entire gay culture anymore than ‘Lil Wayne and his sagging pants represent all African-Americans.

The media is responsible for throwing all gays into the same basket. But guess what, just because a man prefers a man to a woman doesn’t mean he'd necessarily want to put on a dress and just because he likes to wear a dress doesn't mean he prefers the company of butch women and not all lesbians want to assume the role of a man...diversity. Not all gay teens can relate to effeminate bitchy queens and a more balanced and positive portrayal of gays in the media should be demanded. It’s easier to laugh at an African-American gay man wearing heels and carrying a purse yet these images send a message to our youth and bullies that being gay is wrong and something to laugh at. No matter what anyone may tell you words hurt and the images conjured up with hateful speech are meant to brutalize. Anyone who has ever been called a sissy or a faggot can attest to that.

Believe it or not there are gay men and women who lead normal lives, get up and go to work each day and maintain healthy enduring relationships and these are the images to which our youth, straight and gay need to be exposed, if for no other reason than to combat the sense of helplessness and feeling lost and alone. I’ve been there and I know that feeling of insecurity and desperation and believe me, without the proper support group or positive role models, it often times leads one to prefer suicide as an option to living.