Daddy

I remember Saturdays in the yard,

Mama and the girls cleaning the house

And you and I pulling weeds

I remember going fishing with you

And the beautiful silent moments we shared

So as not to scare the fish

I remember when we got home

And you taught me

How to gut and clean the fish

I remember the smell of the fish frying

And that special piece of Catfish for Mama

I remember you teaching me to light the BBQ pit

 And I know that it takes patience and time

 I remember how you cleaned the ribs pulling back

 That layer of skin so the juices would flow

I remember how you seasoned without overdoing it

And rubbing the dry mustard into the chicken

And I remember your special trick of placing

The meat in the oven at a low temperature to get it tender

I remember being in the back yard

And using your shadow as shade from the sun

I remember trying to match your steps

And wondering how you could possibly walk so fast

I remember you teaching me to ride my bike

Promising to not let go and when I looked back

You were still there holding on until I was ready

I remember falling

And when tears filled my eyes

You encouraged me to try again

And I remember succeeding

And the look of pride on your face

I remember Daddy, I remember it all

The Journey

I haven't written for a while and I thought I was suffering from writer’s block, but I now realize its grief. Next month I'll celebrate my 63^rd birthday and although I appreciate the wisdom and experience gained with age, I've come to learn that maturity comes at a price. Over the past two years I have suffered the loss of relatives and friends at an unforgiving rate. For each loss the grief was different, and it’s caused me to be in an almost constant state of mourning. It's also forced me to face my own mortality and own the fact that, not all of those we love will continue the journey with us. Ultimately, we are all born to die but I’ve grown to recognize death as simply a different journey of which we will all embark at some point.

I understand this realization may sound simplistic and for some harsh as we all grieve differently. And it will do nothing to console those still suffering losses, but for me it was somewhat cathartic. So, I’ve decided to use it to fuel my own journey’s continuation. I’ve become more appreciative of my friends and family and for some it may sound dark, but I’ve embraced the notion that each moment spent could be the last. I’ve never been one to travel in the world of “what if "or "if I had only" when it comes to life and events from the past as I strongly believe everything happens for a reason and although you can't rewrite your life story, you can certainly learn from it. The people placed in our lives are not there by chance and we should not be selfish but instead welcome the gift of their presence for as long as time allows. I also believe that every encounter and person we meet serves a purpose in our individual growth. Recognition of this fact ultimately adds to progression of the journey.

At any rate, I never claimed to be a philosopher I just had some rambling thoughts I wanted to share as part of my personal grieving process. I’ve gone through several stages of grief and on several occasions, I've attempted to put my feeling into thoughts. The fact that I was able to write this today without incessant tears is a bit refreshing.

The Boss

My apologies to all for interrupting the festivities as I'm certain everyone is celebrating the occasion of the birth of her holiness St. Diana. However, it's come to my attention that not everyone is as informed as myself on the origin of this blessed saint. So, in an effort to educate all, I thought I'd take a few questions from what I’m certain is but a small contingent of non-believers.

Non-believer: What is St. Diana's Day, sounds like something you just made up.

Me: Absolutely untrue. Allow me to quote from the book of Gordy…

Non-believer: Dude, there’s no book of Gordy in the Bible.

Me: Of course, there is…New Testament bro. Anyway Gordy 5:11 clearly states And God said, let there be Motown and she did cometh out. And when he flooded the land, she reacheth out to touch somebody’s hand and proclaimed, “Ain’t No mountain High Enough!”.

Non-believer: (Crickets)

Non-believer:  Ok, so where did this St. Diana come from?

Me: She was born mid-20^th century and hails from the hamlet of Detroit, also the birthplace of her royal highness Aretha who had yet to ascend to the throne as the Queen of Soul. In her late teens her holiness was visited upon by the three wisemen Holland, Dozier, Holland who encouraged her with the proverb “upon reflections you will stop in the name of love”. Their visit inspired her and she was motivated to study the teachings of the prophet Smokey of Robinson which led to her conversion to Motownism and with the Supreme sisters Florence Ballard and Mary Wilson she endeavored to spread the R&B visions of Barry the Hitmaker.

Non-believer: Um, ok. So, she’s at best an ok singer. How does such an average person qualify for sainthood?

Me: Bite your tongue heathen! (speaks momentarily in tongues) If you’re going to continue in this blasphemous vein of ridiculousness, I’ll have to cut short the interview. Frankly, there’s more to being a Diva than simply the voice. Visuals, performance and an infinite connection to the audience are all essential elements to true Diva fulfillment. Of course, 12 consecutive #1 hits ain’t nothing to laugh at either and hardly qualifies as average.

Non-believer: Well, ok but don’t you usually have to die before being anointed sainthood?

Me: Technically, you’re correct. However, in the case of her holiness, sainthood was granted with the Rhythm & Blues edict of 1979 based on the gospel according to the Apostles Ashford & Simpson, which clearly states, “she The Boss”. Accordingly, she was affirmed and ordained as the Patron Saint of Motown by the Detroit Archdiocese of the Church of Rhythm Now.

Non-believer: Ok, so I think I understand now. So, Diana…

Me: Um, that’s Miss Ross. You don’t know her like that.

Non-believer: Ok, So Miss Ross was granted sainthood and we celebrate her birthday on the 26^th of March.

Me: Correct. In fact, if I let you keep me hanging on, I’ll never get to celebrate. So, I’m going to end right here before I get turned upside down. I was touched in the morning and I could swear I hear a symphony playing somewhere. My mistake probably just a love hangover. Anyway, it’s my turn at my old piano so I better get going before the other partyers decide to come see about me. Happy St. Diana Day!

I’m Upset So I Can’t Think Of A Witty Title

I’m upset, disappointed and angry. When I first heard the news of Jussie Smollett’s alleged attack my first thought was, “shit, please let this be true”. I shared my feelings with a few friends who were curious why I hadn’t written anything about the incident. I let them know that I felt ashamed I would have such a horrible thought about someone’s possible pain & suffering, but I also couldn’t shake this feeling of skepticism and wariness of his account of the events. I’m pretty comfortable with the notion that if you’re out alone at 2 in the morning in some sketchy neighborhood it’s not because you wanted a sandwich from Subway. A couple of times I did think of writing something but I’m glad I listened to the voice of caution in my head which said, wait.

So now the supposed victim has become the alleged perpetrator & suspect. And still, I can’t help but hold out hope that his story miraculously turns out to be true. And if it turns out to be true, I will happily apologize. However, if in fact the allegations of him staging the whole thing are what is proven true, there’s no excuse I will accept for his privileged unethical selfishness. How dare he do this to a community already doubly marginalized by irrational hate and bigotry. And don’t get me wrong. I know that those who now choose to dismiss hate crimes because of Jussie Smollett probably would have done so before him anyway. It’s not like if his allegations were true all the bigoted people would suddenly disappear. Homophobes and racists will always exist. But he has helped to create additional obstacles for victims. In one fell swoop he has managed to feed the trolls and energize and embolden the bigoted naysayers who challenge victims of both homophobic and racist hate crimes. It’s disrespectful to actual victims and will only help to make it harder for them to report hate crimes. He owes apologies to those actual victims. He owes apologies to those who advocated and spoke up on his behalf. He owes apologies to us, his family.

Expressive

There’s an expression often used by Black folks to describe a person with whom you may have become frustrated or annoyed. Although the expression is commonly used, it is reserved for an exclusive yet deserving person. This individual has allowed you to reach a point where you feel no other descriptive options are available so you may turn to the person next to you point and say in an exasperated unbelieving tone, "this muthafucka here". In an effort to more clearly articulate the usage of this expression, I thought I’d provide a few examples from current headlines.

• Yesterday President Dumb Ass’ Commerce Secretary, Wilbur Ross was asked about his thoughts on furloughed government workers and their struggles making ends meet without pay checks because of the shutdown. When told that some federal workers were getting food from homeless shelters, he seemed perplexed and stated with absolute tone-deaf arrogance, "Well I know they are, and I don't really quite understand why." He noted they would be paid eventually and from atop his grand high horse said, "There's no real reason why they shouldn't be able to get a loan against it.” So, just to be clear, the solution from a man said to be worth over 700 million dollars is for cash strapped government workers to take out a bank loan in lieu of pay checks. Assuming they are credit worthy, they would take out a bank loan for money they are due from the government. When they are paid by said government, they would then pay back the loan with interest incurred for however long it took to get paid ... and he stated it as thought it was a matter of fact and simple solution anyone could figure out…this muthafucka here.
•  When asked about Mr. Ross’ statement, the Tangelo President said that banks were also “working along” with those facing financial hardship during the shutdown, “and that’s what happens in a time like this.” Um ok, at this point I’m just gonna quote this asshole verbatim, “If you have mortgages, the mortgagees, the folks collecting the interest and all of those things, they work along,” “Local people know who they are, when they go for groceries and everything else,” “And I think what Wilbur was probably trying to say is that they will work along.” (releases heavy sigh) This muthafucka here. Banks are in the business of making money and don’t care about why you’re late on your mortgage….pay me or get out. And how out of touch with the common man do you have to be to think that the clerk at your local Ralph’s or Albertsons will say to you when you’re in line to pay your groceries, “Oh don’t worry about it just pay me whenever you get paid by the government. Here, have an extra steak or two”. #TeamToneDeaf
• This morning Trump advisor and best bud for life, Roger Stone was arrested in relation to the ongoing Mueller probe. He faces multiple charges including working with WikiLeaks to hinder the Hillary Clinton 2016 presidential campaign, lying to Congress, witness tampering and obstructing the investigation into the Russian interference of the 2016 election. White House Press Secretary Sarah Suckabee Sanders this morning stated, “What I can tell you is that the specific charges that have been brought against Mr. Stone don’t have anything to do with the president” Ok so, Trump’s campaign manager Paul Manafort, Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen, Trump’s National Security Advisor Michael Flynn and Trump’s longtime associate and aforementioned best bud Roger Stone have all been indicted and none of it has anything to do with Trump…Bitch please! This muthafucka here.
• Finally, although the expression is used largely as a vehicle of frustration there are times when it’s used endearingly. Earlier this week the President who wears his ties freakishly too long proposed a deal to end the shutdown. He offered to give back DACA status to qualifying immigrants, with a 3-year term limit, in exchange for his stupid wall. Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi responded by basically telling him to kick rocks and in addition, uninvited his dumb ass to Congress for his annual State of the Union address. This morning President Flyaway Hair conceded to Nancy and offered a temporary end to the shutdown, with no concessions…This muthafucka here.