Thursday, February 20, 2014

Two Michaels

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!...What? Ok, ok I know I’m a little late but it’s been a busy year so far. I assume everyone is done with their New Year’s resolutions as the annual 1st of the year “I’m gonna lose this weight or else” crowd has dissipated from the gym. Seriously every year at the same time they sluggishly storm the gym in groups of 2 to 3 and take over all the machines. The problem is they have no training so they sit around taking up space in their little cliques holding inane conversations about how much weight they’ve pledged to lose, only to gently disappear after about a month or so with the same weight they brought with them…but I digress.

Yes, it’s been a busy year so far but not too busy for the conservative nut ball army as they started the year strong. It appears that white privilege is alive and well as once again black fear has outweighed the criminal justice system and the murderer of another African-American teenage boy goes unpunished. To be clear I know Mr. Michael Dunn was convicted of attempted murder so he will serve time but he managed to skate on the more severe charge of first degree murder, for now anyway. And can someone please explain to me how he’s convicted of trying to murder 3 unsuccessfully but not the actual murder? Also, if the jury didn’t want to convict Dunn of 1st degree murder they could have opted for 2nd degree or manslaughter…they chose none. Jurors who obviously thought it was self-defense would not convict on any charge. So this man who now claims he’s the victim (shades of Zimmerman) says he feared for his life as the teenagers were playing “loud thug music”, cursing, talking loud and well generally behaving like teenagers. In his delusional entitled mindset he felt he had no other option as they were disrespecting him, because after all he is white. So when they refused his demand to lower the music, he kills the victim, leaves the scene, orders a pizza and takes a nap. Later when the police inform him none of the teenagers had records he says “they must have somehow flown under the radar, because they were bad”. He also wrote a very telling letter from jail which read in part "It is spooky how racist everyone is up here and how biased towards blacks all the courts are. The jail is full of blacks and they all act like thugs." Um, biased towards Blacks? I guess that explains why the jails are so full of them but maybe someone should send him Webster’s definition of bias for future use of the word. The bottom line is a rational person doesn’t shoot and kill teenagers because he doesn’t like their music or feels disrespected. Unfortunately the jury consisted of those who had made up their minds before the first shot was even fired.

Also in the 1st of the year news there’s the possibility of an out gay man joining the NFL. The news came from SEC co-defensive player of the year and University of Missouri graduate Michael Sam, who happens to be African-American and who bravely made his announcement prior to the NFL draft. I will say his coming out was met with mostly positive reaction. Of course the bible thumping, religiosity spouting, homophobic bigots showed up in droves because as you know the bible explicitly states that there are to be no gay players in the NFL. Not to mention the “what’s the big deal” idiots who continuously fail to grasp the historical significance of his announcement and the impact it will have on perceptions of gay men…so let me address them first. I’ve stated in previous blog post that just because it’s not a big deal to your straight, narrow minded, close viewed ass and you are unable to or refuse to comprehend that it’s big news to the thousands of gay youth who have been taught to hate who they are and told they are destined to burn in hell doesn’t mean it’s not a big deal. Maybe it's a big deal because he is shattering stereotypes of gay people and has the potential to be the first openly gay player in the NFL.  Of course it's big news but it wouldn’t be if so many people weren't still so damn intolerant.

Like I said the usual suspects showed up condemning his soul to hell but what I found interesting were the detractors from within the NFL. Anonymous coaches were quoted in Sports Illustrated saying “at this point in time it's still a man's-man game”…because as we all know gay men are not real men. And what about “if you knowingly bring someone in there with that sexual orientation, how are the other guys going to deal with it? It's going to be a big distraction”…only if you allow it to be one buddy. Of course there are never any team distractions in professional sports are there? You know like wife beating, murder trials, drugs or dog killers...right?

Then there was the ridiculous statement from New Orleans Saints linebacker Jonathan Velma who said, “Imagine if he's the guy next to me, and you know, I get dressed, naked, taking a shower, the whole nine, and it just so happens he looks at me, how am I supposed to respond?" Ok, apparently I need to make a few things clear to the straight men of the world. First of all stop assuming that every gay man wants to see you naked and have sex with you. Michael Sam who was out to his teammates at the University of Missouri was a frequent visitor to the team locker room and shower and managed to get by without attacking a single straight teammate. This idea that showering with a gay man is something new is ridiculous. (Note to straight men: We’ve been showering with you since the 7th grade.) The implication that when he moves to the NFL he will be unable to control his physical desires in the showers and start humping anything moving is as stupid as it sounds. And just so you know, Jonathan Velma you can’t catch the gay simply by being in close proximity to one. To answer your question, what do you say if he should happen to look at you? I don’t know how about, “Excuse me but because of my narrow minded homophobic fears and insecure sexuality I’m assuming that because you glanced my way it may somehow be a sexual move on your part towards me because you know in my self-delusional world I’m like, all that and could surely pose for the naked edition of ESPN magazine and I know you predatory gays have trouble controlling your desires when it comes to hyper macho straight men such as myself and you couldn’t possibly be here to, you know just take a shower, so could you please close or divert your eyes for the remainder of our locker room session or at least control the urge to have sex with me because I know you must constantly be thinking of me and certainly not of our team’s win-loss record, the game we just played or your plans for the evening, thanks.” He may look at you like you’re crazy in fact it may turn him off and cause him to reconsider any possible friendship he may have been contemplating with you, his teammate but ultimately isn’t that your goal? I don’t know, works for me.