Time Machine

Last night I got up from the sofa in the den went into the bedroom and just stood there looking around…I had forgotten why I had gone into the room. This has happened to me a lot in the past few years and when I tell people about it they laugh it off and say I’m just getting old. To be honest it is kind of funny but also a little scary. At work I’ve taken to writing post-it notes with little reminders and putting them in my pocket. When I get home I dump out a dozen little pieces of yellow paper walk out of the room and of course forget to read them...it’s really frustrating. I’ve found that I actually prefer talk radio to music and when I do listen to music it’s almost always old school and is it just me or are Early Bird dinner specials beginning to sound appealing…to be honest it would give me time to get in that pre-sleep early evening nap. At work I zone out during conversations and meetings and find myself thinking of anything other than what’s currently happening. When I snap back I try to play it off but I’m sure I have a blank look on my face because I have no idea what’s going on. I stood up to walk away from my desk the other day and my knees cracked so loud people thought it was thunder and looked outside to see if there was a storm approaching. When I go out to dinner or a bar I drink at home first to save money…ok that’s just me being my cheap ass self. When going to the movies I prefer matinees as there’s the possibility I may fall asleep at an evening showing…which may or may not include snoring.  I’ve found I no longer have patience with stupid people and I have no problem letting them know…well that one’s actually a plus. Seriously, the only thing left is for me to yell out from my rocking chair on the porch, “Hey kid, get off my lawn!”

So you may ask, why all the concern? What’s the big deal, we all get old get over it. I agree completely, in fact on Saturday I’ll be celebrating my 57^th birthday (why is it that whenever someone ask how old I am, I have to stop and think really, really hard) and I’ve decided that rather than bemoan the fact that I’m now old enough for senior discounts, which by the way comes in quite handy at the movies (seriously, $4.50 vs. $9.00...matinee rates of course) I will instead celebrate the fact that I’m still here and reflect on the good things in my life.  Like the fact that in spite of my cracking knees, at 57 years old I’m actually in the best shape of my life. About 15 years ago I made a deal with myself to get in shape and embarked on a strict regimen of exercise and healthy eating. I shed quite a bit of weight which I’ve managed to maintain and I still get up every morning at 4:30 AM and head to the gym for my daily workout. Or how about the fact that at this age I find myself in a healthy, stable, constantly evolving relationship and growing old with a person I still find attractive, passionate and ever intriguing. Although my memory sometimes fails me I’m thankful for the recollections of my youth, which are full of good times shared with wonderful people most of whom I’m proud to say I still have as friends. And of course there’s Pepper the absolute sweetest, lovable and very likely most spoiled dog on the planet.

I feel so blessed to have lived long enough to learn to value and love myself for all of my faults and flaws as well as my attributes, I like the person I’ve become and no longer worry about what could have been.  I am thankful for the wonderful childhood afforded to me by loving and nourishing parents both of whom I’m fortunate enough to still have with me as well as my four siblings. I’m happy to have grown old enough to appreciate the silence of sitting alone in my own thoughts, not as an escape but to contemplate the magnificence of life and all it allows. I feel privileged to have known the many who traveled with me on various points of my aging journey and mourn those who never made it this far. I’m happy in the realization that I actually like getting old with all the aches, sore bones, memory lapses and hair growing out of places where I didn’t even know I had places…seriously can someone tell me why hair suddenly chose to sprout from my ears and disappear from the top of my head?  Finally, I’m so very happy that I’m still able to articulate and share my thoughts and ideas with my friends. By the way I know I haven’t written in a while and I really meant to, I really did but I kept forgetti…uh, what was I saying?